My good friend is headed back to a general election!

This just in.......your good friend and mine, Carrol Hubbard is headed back to a general election! Yes folks, The Hub schmoozed the Democrats in the 1st District into electing him over fromer Court of Appeals Judge Rick Johnson, who runs all of his campaigns so angrily and negatively that you'd think the man had a perpetual wedgie or some sort of foreign body shoved up his ass. Say whatever you want about Carrol's lawyerin' ability, but his good friend ability, i.e. his ability to schmooze anyone he meats, i.e. his ability to remember your name, i.e. his ability to remember your name when he sees it mentioned in the paper and cut it out, laminate it and send it to you in the male, pays off politically, and you just can't buy that. My main honkey and I have already called a drunken road trip to Frankfort to see our good friend if he beats Ken Winters. I hope he does. He can't be as good a friend as Carrol. I mean, I've never met the guy and he's sure as hell never mailed me anything laminated about me from the newspaper. How can I trust that guy?

A pipe bomb was found in a storm drain by a church in Paducah? The Feds weren't involved? They used something "similar" to a shotgun to shoot off an end of the device? If its a fucking pipe bomb should you be using anything "similar" to a shotgun near it? Didn't I read an article in the Republican Sun Also Rises a few months back about how necessary the Feds were to this area and how much we needed them - never mind the subsequent article that seemed to imply most of the local FBI guy's time was spent going to the post office - but, wouldn't a pipe bomb be the jurisdiction of a federale due to the inherent dangerous nature of such a device? If we do have federales still in Paducah, which we do, namely, at least one ATF agent, wouldn't a pipe bomb, which, unless I'm mistaken, would at least qualify as an "F", get you out of the office? Not that I think the local boys can't and didn't pull it off because apparently the regularly scheduled molesting of alter boys was not interrupted by the pipe bomb fiasco. I'm just saying I was waiting to read some quote from a three lettered federally funded individual after seeing that we had ourselves a pipe bomb and I was surprised, to say the least, that one was never included. That's not to say the reporter didn't forget to ask the guy with the ATF hat and windbreaker a question or three. That very well could have happened. For all I know, the reporter thought the Church was also having problems with their phone lines and didn't think that "guy" knew anything about the pipe bomb.

So a kid got pulled in by the undertoe and drown at the riverfront. Why do they call it the "undertoe"? I never understood that. That always freaked me out as a kid. I always thought of it as some big fucking toe was coming up from underneath the water to grab me and pull me under. I believed in the theory that I was going to drown, I just didn't believe in the fact that a big toe was going to be the thing causing me to drown. I knew a big toe couldn't grab me. I mean, it would have to have some other toes there to help grab on me and it was called the "undertoes". It was a weird feeling being scared to death of drowning but not believing in "what" was going to drown you.

The Lower Town Arts Festival is this weekend. This is an interesting festival because it is the one festival that Paducah, for whatever reason, let's its proverbial guard down when it comes to swill. Usually, at a festival of any type in Paducah, if swill is allowed, it is relegated to one area or a beer pen. You have to buy tickets and consume your beverages in a "beer concentration camp" like atmosphere. Well, I guess to make you feel more inclined to spend dough on the over-priced artwork from the artists in the artist witness protection program, you can purchase swill, albeit with tickets, within the confines of the art festival, and carry your swill throughout the festival and imbibe all throughout the friendly roped off confines of the festival. It's not as if this is rocket surgery or is worthy of a patent. This is what the City should do at The Swine Fest on the River but, for whatever reason, probably all the God fearin' fanatics, they won't. So, if for no other reason, you should go to this festival just to be able to have an adult beverage and walk around a roped off area of downtown.

...I'm just sayin....