If McCain wins, will Matlock be appointed Attorney General?
Would WPSD fear mongerin' winter weather reports get even higher ratings if Jennifer Rukavina simplified things by simply going by J-Ru?
Speaking of WPSD's fear mongerin' winter weather reportin', has snow ever killed anyone in this viewing area? Why do they constantly beat us over the head with the brand name of their radar? As if I know weather or not there is a brand out there better than Doppler. Do you gauge weather or not you believe the veracity of their report based on the brand name of the radar they used to figger it out? "Well, I was gonna cancel that trip to Louisville cause I heard we was sposetuh get 8 inches of snow, but then I saw where that damned old meateeorolgoist that done figgered that up used a Cuisinart, and I said, pack yer bags ma, we's a goin'."
Is there any other profession than meterologist where you can be wrong so often and it not matter? I mean, do you ever hear of these guys losing their jobs? Who gives a damn if you call for snow and you only get freezing rain? Are you a hack if you bet the farm on hail and it turned out to be sleet? I mean, the roads are still slick either way, so how they got that way really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of thangs. All that matters is, immediately after having the absolute buh-Jesus scared out of you by J-Ru and her visions of a frosty ice and snow covered death, you run to your local super market and buy all the goddamn bread and milk that you can get your hands on.
I'm just sayin.......
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Geezers Unite: Vote McCain!
Like a blue-hair still standing in line at 5:00 p.m., old, pissed-off and crotchety is apparently the way the political wind is a blowin' if yesterdee's pole results were any indication. John McCain's angry ass won the Florida primary and is now the front runner to get the Republican nomination. I guess Methusuala was too conservative to run? Strom Thurmond still too dead to run one more time?
Rudy Guliani - who may or may not be Mr. Bowler Hat from Meet The Robinsons - finally turned in his last can of Daper Dan hair cream and lisped himself a speech that couldn't have been more concession in nature if he'd been simultaneously floggin' hotdogs and nachos. He officially threw in his American Flag designed towel today.
John Edwards decided he was going to take his good looks and sex it up elsewhere. Quite frankly, the level of ass on this campaign was well below his standards and he'd had enough. Losing to other politicians is one thing, but losing to other uglier politicians is another unbearable thing all together. I mean, Obama ain't ugly but he couldn't charm the panties off a nun like my boy J.E. Admittedly, Hillary does give in to that guy fantasy thing of letting her man be with other women, but, short of that, a fifth of grain alcohol and your favorite mantab (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) ain't much happenin' in the Marvin' Gaye department if you know what I'm layin'.
NBC announced this week that Law & Order would be back next season but the Fred Thompson campaign was being cancelled for low ratings. Apparently, voters found the plot line of a real-life attorney who became a real-life actor who played the president in movies who ran for president in real life unbelieveable.
If Ron Paul were any more write I think he'd get .5% of the vote which is 50% more then he's getting now and I'm a freaking liberal democrat! Oh yeah, I said it! And while I'm at it, vote Eric Youngblood for Paducah City Commission in '08!
Mitt Romney. That's like the name of a Disney movie about a poor kid's baseball glove that save's the big game in the World Series isn't it? No, wait a minit, it's the name of the mainstream religious guy who's worked his ass off for everything he's ever gotten and is just like the rest of us working slobs and knows where we are coming from, right? Wrong guy? What? Are you sure? He's that galactic millionaire Mormom guy straight from the Tabernacle who was governor of Massachusetts and has changed his positions on the issues so much that some people call him the Porn Star of Politics? I could care less about the Mormon thing. If he wants to drink salt water, sing with a choir, wear a suit and ride a bike I could care less. That does not bother me. I just can't dig the whole complete flip flopping on the issues. For abortion one year, against it the next. It's not a tax exemption you get biannually in a divorce settlement. You either believe in it or you don't. It's your opinion. Changing it because you're going to run for President is weak.
Obama. It's almost like you were surprised as you were about to say the name of a certain Southern state. Seems like an allright guy to me. The general knock on him seems to be he doesn't have enough experience. All those movies Reagan was in were the right amount of experience for voters in the 80's, but that didn't work for Fred Thompson in 08'. Weird. Point is, experience doesn't matter. Do the people smell what you're steppin in? If the answer is yes, then you two can be El Presidente. Obviously, the 800 pound bean pie in the room is the fact that Obama is black. That is the true question. Can a majority of American's vote for a black man for president? We will never have a better Ebony v. Ivory election than if it is Obama v. McCain.
Then you've got you're Hillary. You either love her or hate her. With Wild Bill, you either loved him or hated him as president, but it seems as though everyone loved him as a person because he is charismatic beyond belief and fun loving by all accounts. With Hillary, its a love or hate type feeling with her personally. Of the people I encounter its 50/50. Interestingly enough, much like my fear of mayonnaise, guacamole, sour cream and cream cheese, most people cannot articulate a rationale basis for their hatred of Hillary. If you ever ask someone why they hate her, notice how they'll say, "Oh, I hate her because she, we'll Hillary, well, she..., Bill was sleeping with all those women and that just was not right and .......", they trail off. Or they'll come up with health care. OK people. She had a dumb idea. So what. I rolled my jeans up for years. Should people not hire me? They either want to throw that one big debacle at her or attribute Bill's wandering penis to her. My theory is this: If she and Bill have some agreement that he can dork every other chic they meat, that's they're gig. I don't care. My recollection of the Clinton years was that they were purty sweet. The economy was good. People were happier. The stock market was up. We weren't on the verge of a recession. Ass was less than a buck a barrel. It was fabulous!
I'm just sayin'.......
Rudy Guliani - who may or may not be Mr. Bowler Hat from Meet The Robinsons - finally turned in his last can of Daper Dan hair cream and lisped himself a speech that couldn't have been more concession in nature if he'd been simultaneously floggin' hotdogs and nachos. He officially threw in his American Flag designed towel today.
John Edwards decided he was going to take his good looks and sex it up elsewhere. Quite frankly, the level of ass on this campaign was well below his standards and he'd had enough. Losing to other politicians is one thing, but losing to other uglier politicians is another unbearable thing all together. I mean, Obama ain't ugly but he couldn't charm the panties off a nun like my boy J.E. Admittedly, Hillary does give in to that guy fantasy thing of letting her man be with other women, but, short of that, a fifth of grain alcohol and your favorite mantab (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) ain't much happenin' in the Marvin' Gaye department if you know what I'm layin'.
NBC announced this week that Law & Order would be back next season but the Fred Thompson campaign was being cancelled for low ratings. Apparently, voters found the plot line of a real-life attorney who became a real-life actor who played the president in movies who ran for president in real life unbelieveable.
If Ron Paul were any more write I think he'd get .5% of the vote which is 50% more then he's getting now and I'm a freaking liberal democrat! Oh yeah, I said it! And while I'm at it, vote Eric Youngblood for Paducah City Commission in '08!
Mitt Romney. That's like the name of a Disney movie about a poor kid's baseball glove that save's the big game in the World Series isn't it? No, wait a minit, it's the name of the mainstream religious guy who's worked his ass off for everything he's ever gotten and is just like the rest of us working slobs and knows where we are coming from, right? Wrong guy? What? Are you sure? He's that galactic millionaire Mormom guy straight from the Tabernacle who was governor of Massachusetts and has changed his positions on the issues so much that some people call him the Porn Star of Politics? I could care less about the Mormon thing. If he wants to drink salt water, sing with a choir, wear a suit and ride a bike I could care less. That does not bother me. I just can't dig the whole complete flip flopping on the issues. For abortion one year, against it the next. It's not a tax exemption you get biannually in a divorce settlement. You either believe in it or you don't. It's your opinion. Changing it because you're going to run for President is weak.
Obama. It's almost like you were surprised as you were about to say the name of a certain Southern state. Seems like an allright guy to me. The general knock on him seems to be he doesn't have enough experience. All those movies Reagan was in were the right amount of experience for voters in the 80's, but that didn't work for Fred Thompson in 08'. Weird. Point is, experience doesn't matter. Do the people smell what you're steppin in? If the answer is yes, then you two can be El Presidente. Obviously, the 800 pound bean pie in the room is the fact that Obama is black. That is the true question. Can a majority of American's vote for a black man for president? We will never have a better Ebony v. Ivory election than if it is Obama v. McCain.
Then you've got you're Hillary. You either love her or hate her. With Wild Bill, you either loved him or hated him as president, but it seems as though everyone loved him as a person because he is charismatic beyond belief and fun loving by all accounts. With Hillary, its a love or hate type feeling with her personally. Of the people I encounter its 50/50. Interestingly enough, much like my fear of mayonnaise, guacamole, sour cream and cream cheese, most people cannot articulate a rationale basis for their hatred of Hillary. If you ever ask someone why they hate her, notice how they'll say, "Oh, I hate her because she, we'll Hillary, well, she..., Bill was sleeping with all those women and that just was not right and .......", they trail off. Or they'll come up with health care. OK people. She had a dumb idea. So what. I rolled my jeans up for years. Should people not hire me? They either want to throw that one big debacle at her or attribute Bill's wandering penis to her. My theory is this: If she and Bill have some agreement that he can dork every other chic they meat, that's they're gig. I don't care. My recollection of the Clinton years was that they were purty sweet. The economy was good. People were happier. The stock market was up. We weren't on the verge of a recession. Ass was less than a buck a barrel. It was fabulous!
I'm just sayin'.......
Saturday, January 26, 2008
I hope he ain't lyin' bout the dyin'!
Recently, a shriveled-up and be-speckled old coot in Illinois has started to share his memories of the late 70's and 80's with the police. While you can normally get away from a geezer druing story time by offering up a refill of prune juice, asking "Is it time to take your pills?," or accusing them of farting, the police are'nt employing any of these tried and true methods. They are intersted in this dude because he was apparently rather adept a killing folks and getting away with it. So much so in fact, he even qualifies as one of them thar cereal killers. I don't know if he passed a test, has some kind of membership card with "frequency" points or what, but the local rag has labled him as such so I'm going to make an ass out of ewe and me by figgerin' they knowed the legality on the use of such a term.
In either event, The Frosted Flaker has recently admitted to killing someone in our fair city during the Disco Era. There was no cause for pause originally because (a) 1979 happened; (b) a person was murdered hear that year and (c) the murderer got away. CASE SOLVED! There now is pausing for the causing because Honey Blood & Guts (as opposed to Honey Bunches of Oats or whatever it is) owned up to a killin' in the first year of I Love the 80's that has turned out to be more fake than Pamela Anderson's last (a) set of boobs or (b) marriage (That's something new I decided to try. A little interactive reader humor. You choose the punchline that you find funniest. It's a little way that I can give back to you. Tear.).
Now, I'm not tryin to pee in anyone's Wheaties. I don't know if The Sugar Smacks Slasher really killed that poor Paducah woman or not. The officer involved is, in my humble Smore's cereal prefering opinion, a good cop. I just find it interesting when any law dawgs jump up to defend the credibility of a cereal killer immediately upon it being called into question. Clearly, you have to believe the one guy that GAVE you ALL the EVIDENCE that you have. I mean, if the guy that GAVE you all the EVIDENCE is LYING, then what kind of evidence do you have? It's almost as if they're saying, "How can you not believe this guy, he's a serial killer?"
None of this will amount to a hill of Cheerios because the Special K Killer will jump at the chance to plead guilty and get some more publicity out of all this. I just hope he really did it and he didn't have some other way to come up with enough details to fake his frosted confession. Like say, I don't know, by watching an espisode of Maury Povich or something. Because the family of the poor woman who was killed deserves to know who killed her. I hope this asshole did it for their sake and, if that is the case, that he gets an extra turn on the hell rotissierrie spit for it.
I'm just sayin.......
In either event, The Frosted Flaker has recently admitted to killing someone in our fair city during the Disco Era. There was no cause for pause originally because (a) 1979 happened; (b) a person was murdered hear that year and (c) the murderer got away. CASE SOLVED! There now is pausing for the causing because Honey Blood & Guts (as opposed to Honey Bunches of Oats or whatever it is) owned up to a killin' in the first year of I Love the 80's that has turned out to be more fake than Pamela Anderson's last (a) set of boobs or (b) marriage (That's something new I decided to try. A little interactive reader humor. You choose the punchline that you find funniest. It's a little way that I can give back to you. Tear.).
Now, I'm not tryin to pee in anyone's Wheaties. I don't know if The Sugar Smacks Slasher really killed that poor Paducah woman or not. The officer involved is, in my humble Smore's cereal prefering opinion, a good cop. I just find it interesting when any law dawgs jump up to defend the credibility of a cereal killer immediately upon it being called into question. Clearly, you have to believe the one guy that GAVE you ALL the EVIDENCE that you have. I mean, if the guy that GAVE you all the EVIDENCE is LYING, then what kind of evidence do you have? It's almost as if they're saying, "How can you not believe this guy, he's a serial killer?"
None of this will amount to a hill of Cheerios because the Special K Killer will jump at the chance to plead guilty and get some more publicity out of all this. I just hope he really did it and he didn't have some other way to come up with enough details to fake his frosted confession. Like say, I don't know, by watching an espisode of Maury Povich or something. Because the family of the poor woman who was killed deserves to know who killed her. I hope this asshole did it for their sake and, if that is the case, that he gets an extra turn on the hell rotissierrie spit for it.
I'm just sayin.......
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Do you appeal your dismissal of your suit suing yourself?
So a cat runs on the platform of firing a guy he says is not necessary. Before the cat can take office, the local commissioners-that-be say hey, we want to continue the long standing tradition of giving good ole boys money for nuthin and they vote the soon-to-be-fired guy a severance package. All this goes down under the watch of county's attorney who voices no concerns over this or the quality of coffee at the meetings. When cat takes office, he's got a whole mess of political mojo going his way and he raises the stink about the guy he didn't get to fire getting a severance package despite the fact that his package was severed years earlier when the county bid him adios. County Attorney decides to shine the jubliees of cat and sues his client (the county) for giving the guy a severance package that he sat by and let go down without even the slightest "my neck hurts" wimper. Guy hires attorneys to fend off lawsuit. Attorneys and County Attorney suing himself reach a settlement whereby guy will do some work for the county to repay all the ducketts he got for no reason. County Commissioners vote to a draw on whether to accept settlement. County Attorney then says he doesn't have time to fewl with trying to recover a paltry $38K and, since the Commissioners won't accept the settlement, he'll just dismiss the lawsuit.
What in the hell? It's worth enough to you to sue your one and only client but, when they don't take your advice and settle when you tell them to, it's worthless and should be dismissed? You think you've got enough legal standing to sue your own client and a former employee for doing something and accepting money under your apparrently glassy and blood shot eyes but you it ain't worth anymore of your time when you just can't settle the suit without having to do any work?
I love this freaking town. Where else can a guy get indignant about a bunch of people he sued for doing something he advised them to do not accepting a settlement he negotiated? If he were playing on both sides of the fence any more he'd have road rash on his balls from the constant jumping from side to side. I can't imagine why a bunch of fewls you sued for doing something you advised them to do would be weary about taking your advice regarding the same lawsuit?
You truly can't make this stuff up.
I'm just sayin....
What in the hell? It's worth enough to you to sue your one and only client but, when they don't take your advice and settle when you tell them to, it's worthless and should be dismissed? You think you've got enough legal standing to sue your own client and a former employee for doing something and accepting money under your apparrently glassy and blood shot eyes but you it ain't worth anymore of your time when you just can't settle the suit without having to do any work?
I love this freaking town. Where else can a guy get indignant about a bunch of people he sued for doing something he advised them to do not accepting a settlement he negotiated? If he were playing on both sides of the fence any more he'd have road rash on his balls from the constant jumping from side to side. I can't imagine why a bunch of fewls you sued for doing something you advised them to do would be weary about taking your advice regarding the same lawsuit?
You truly can't make this stuff up.
I'm just sayin....
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