The Pain Management Law School & Tire Center of Paducah and Marion annouced the other day that it is going out of business as of December 31st. Dr. Manchaconti - my fauxnetic spelling - said his reasons for closing down the pillshop, law barn and tire emporium were due to the mismanagement of the previous owners and the negative reputation that the school could not escape from being legally entwined with its former incarnation.
Apparently, Dr. M was surprised by the fact that merely throwing cash at a Sally Struther's University type institution, changing a couple of professors and changing the name of the school would not solve the problem. I mean, who would have thunk that a place that was allegedly run as shittily as that joint couldn't be merely saved by renaming it after a local political hero, hiring a new dean and then letting a physician be the owner of the law school? They didn't even move the joint out of the old building. They weren't even trying to break with the old image. Dr. M and his administration - which mysteriously included Tommy O who was one of the fewls in the administration that ran the first incarnation into the legal dirt in the first place - simply thought they could jump in, throw Dr. M's $$$ at the problem and solve it all. Or, Dr. M needed a tax break and new this whole thing was going to hell in KASPERbasket and just shoved some extra dilaudid dough towards it instead of giving it to Uncle Sam.
You can't tell me that a cat who is as successfull in business as him couldn't see that Law Barn and Streudel Stop wasn't going to make it. They had ten students this past semester. In their press release, Dean Putt said they are going to help all their current students get into other schools. What schools would those be? Barber or clown colleges? All the students that could go anywhere else did. These students aren't bad people. In fact, they are victims. They fell for the original owners bullshit that they could get the joint off the ground and accredited within time for them to graduate with a full fledged law degree. And, in hindsight, those cats may have been able to do it because, while they were doing shady shit - holding loan money and such - they kept that joint open longer than Dr. M and his boys and they had more than 10 students as semester. However, these students should have seen that Dr. M and his bunch were fuller of shit than the colon removed from Pelvis during his autopsy because they weren't doing anything different other than gussing the place up a bit. Mr. Goodwrench may have accredited that joint after seeing all the physical improvements to the building, but the ABA wasn't simply going to think that all the problems were solved simply because the landscaping looked nice and the inside of the building was remodled. After going through that goofy lawsuit, Dr. Merriwhether threatening to get his "doctor on" and buy the joint and all that shit, they should have seen this wasn't going to work. Plus, as I said earlier, all the legit students were bolting for real bonafied schools, where they had like ABA seals of approval on the door. On top of all that, with all the shadiness going on with the Big E and the quilt show, these people should have been able to see that Paducah attracts this type of scandal and bullshit and you should take off running anytime the local or city governments are involved and wanting to give people money and large incentive packages to do something. They were also abused by people wanting there money and not stepping up to the legal plate and telling them they didn't have what it took to become a lawyer. Long story longer, my point is, if these 10 remaining students couldn't figure all this out, I don't know that they've got what it takes to be a lawyer.
And another thing. The Big E has been sold and the paperwork has been signed and all that is left to do is to close the deal. A deal that has taken this long and been more drawn out than pee out of an 80 year old penis, and they haven't closed it in over a week? You think there is something going on here? Mayor Turkey Neck talking about Space Ghost maybe not getting loans AFTER the deal is closed? Had to be sold by October 1st to start renovations to save the Quilt Show. It's October 23rd. The deadline keeps getting ignored just like the actual closing.
Where is Ronnie James hotel? Wasn't he going to start construction on the that sombitch like a month or so ago? Don't you love how our local media don't follow up on anything.
Have you seen Richard Abraham's billboard on Park Ave.? Is it me or does it look like him and all those people behind him are threatening you to vote for him for City Commission?
....I'm just sayin......
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Unlike Paxton Media Group, I will comment on personnel decissions and I haven't been blogging because I fired myself.
Paula Bridges, the good looking classy black chic on the news, recently disappeared for about a week. When the local "not Paxton affiliated media" got a holt of the story, i.e. WKYX, they ran with it and the right wing loonies that chat on their message board went nuts with theories that were more conspiracy based then the origins of the Turducken (I mean think about it people. You telling me the government wasn't involved with the combinining of a fucking chicken, duck and turkey with stuffing? Yeah, like some non-government affiliated fewl is going to have the technology or resources to pull that off without laser beams and gamma rays.). They apparently called the head Paxton to ax where our cities version of Oprah went and all they would merely say was that they don't comment on personnel decisions. While they weren't commenting on personnel decisions they were editing her out of their promotional videos that ran on television. Funny thing also was they ran a story with a picture of her in their own newspaper about how they wouldn't comment on their personnel decision the following day. I mean the Republican Sun Also Rises running a story about nuthing is nuthing new. It happens on a daily basis. Have you read Dusty Luthy's columns? They are so sparse in knowledge calling them colums is offensive. They should be called "storzies" or something else ridiculous. Calling that thing a paper is also giving it more credit than it is due. Pamphlet would be more appropriate. Does that guy Steve Vantreese think he is writing for the animals he is covering? I mean, I know his stuff is in the Outdoor section, but I swear, his stuff is so hilljack I expect every other word to be "snort", "chew", "sniff", or "slurp". They are also notorious for fucking up stories as well. One of my best friends from high school named Robbie Robertson played in a tennis tournament last weekend. I followed his progress during the weekend and I knew he made it to the finals but when they listed him as losing to a Murray State player they named him Ronny Robertson. Couldn't you just type that and tell that was wrong? Unless your writing a review of that DeNiro movie, Ronnin I think it was, how in the hell don't you know that motherfucker's name wasn't Ronny Robertson? I mean, if nothing else, you'd think the guy would have had a copy of Music From Big Pink lying around to clue him in.
Anywho, back to Paxton Media Group. What kind of fewls run a story about refusing to talk about the whereabouts of an employee? It was like their equivalent of putting Ms. Bridges on the back of a milk carton. Maybe they didn't know where she was and they were asking for the public's help in finding her. A subsequent story on WKYX indicated that Paxton Media Group wouldn't talk about the firing of news director Griff Potter. Griff, however, let it all hang out and denied being fired and stated that he still thought he had a job with the Paxtons. Then, about a week later, Ms. Bridges shows back up to work and apparently Griff no longer works there. The Paxtons did not comment on Ms. Bridges coming back or the non-return of the Griffster. Weird shit.
All the while Bhupy still has not thrown in his towel and sold the E. He still has the City Commission and the Quilters firmly by the Big E. Allegedly, according to Bhupy himself, a deal was reached about 3 weeks ago and just had to be put in writing and be signed. If you'll remember, Turkey Neck said the only way to save next year's Blue Hair Influx, a/k/a Quilt Show, would be if the E was sold and renovations started by October 1st. Well, by my math it is October 12th. Unless the part of the deal they are still negotiating is what date to set the time machine back to, it ain't looking purty.
Since all this has been going on the Paducah Police have also executed a search warrant at the E seizing (not me, I'm fine thanks) computers because they are looking into whether or not Bhupy finagled room deposits for the BHI (see above) and did not send back dough to those that he may have overbooked their rooms. They also allege they he may have not put this dough into a separate bank account. In other words, the Paducah Police allege Bhupy is doing the same thing the airline industry does on a daily basis but for some reason when he does it its criminal. I think they have also missed the part that it is impossible for him to steal until the people who's money he allegedly took for rooms show up at the appointed date and time and ask for the rooms and don't get a room. Funny thing is, and what our local dunder heads are not reporting, Turkey Neck's main honkey Bill Parson's was running the E when all this allegedly went down so he could very well be responsible for the TWA'ing, if you will, of the rooms.
The Cops are also looking into some former E-ployees who say they sent checks in to continue their health insurance after they ended their E-ployment but their insurance was cancelled because their payments never got their. Once again, Billy P was running the E at this time but it seems everyone is quick to blame the seemingly evil Indian guy with the turbin who looks like a Looney Tunes character. Admittedly, I can see where they can come up with that, but it seems as though there are some other obvious persons of interest in this situation.
So, as the E Turns, it sits down there with parts of it falling off. The foundation is cracking. The days keeping going by like diaphrams not preventing pregnancies after a night out at the Silver Saddle. Yet, these self imposed deadlines keep getting pushed back and everything is still allegedly going to be fine for BHI '09. I mean, if you buy into all that bullshit, just drive down to the E and look at it and ask yourself, what major hotel chain is going to want to have their name slapped onto this piece of shit? Admittedly, it is only going to be after it is remodled but when I went down there to check it out last week, I saw a joint that was so seedy and delapidated there were rats packing up their shit and moving. If they don't start remodeling it soon, it may fall down. Without water and electricity, I bet there is enough mold in that joint to make as much penicillin and blue cheese as a fat salad-eatin son of a bitch with an infection could stand. And another thing, if Bhupy was worried about getting a mortgage on the property, what does that tell you? It tells you that Parsons and Green don't have the 9 million in cash to buy the hell hole from Bhupy. If they don't have all the dinars to buy it from Bhupy, where are they going to get the ducketts to do the rest of this shit? Mark my words, I think Spaceghost Management or whatever the hell it is is shadier than Bhupy himself. The Bhupster is a cheap bastard just out to make a buck. Well, about 4 million bucks. As I've said on numerous occasions, he bought the worlds shittiest hotel and has proceeded to run it into the dirt and has used it as leverage against the Shity Commission against the BHI to up its value. Evil but good business. I think Bill Parsons and his Space Ghost Management firm had something to do with all this shit going south to put pressure on Bhupy to sell the E and/or to get a more favorable price. Parsons was using his position inside the E to tighten Buphy's towel, so to speak. I mean, splain to me how in the fuck Space Ghost Hospitality don't have a written contract to manage that joint when Parsons owns or operates other hotels? Yeah, write.
Well, I've gots to get some shut eye. It is good to be back. I only rehired myself because I couldn't afford to hire someone to do this for me any cheaper than what I paid myself to do it. That is my comment on my extended absence. Maybe I'll take an ad out on someone else's blog.
.....I'm just sayin'......
Anywho, back to Paxton Media Group. What kind of fewls run a story about refusing to talk about the whereabouts of an employee? It was like their equivalent of putting Ms. Bridges on the back of a milk carton. Maybe they didn't know where she was and they were asking for the public's help in finding her. A subsequent story on WKYX indicated that Paxton Media Group wouldn't talk about the firing of news director Griff Potter. Griff, however, let it all hang out and denied being fired and stated that he still thought he had a job with the Paxtons. Then, about a week later, Ms. Bridges shows back up to work and apparently Griff no longer works there. The Paxtons did not comment on Ms. Bridges coming back or the non-return of the Griffster. Weird shit.
All the while Bhupy still has not thrown in his towel and sold the E. He still has the City Commission and the Quilters firmly by the Big E. Allegedly, according to Bhupy himself, a deal was reached about 3 weeks ago and just had to be put in writing and be signed. If you'll remember, Turkey Neck said the only way to save next year's Blue Hair Influx, a/k/a Quilt Show, would be if the E was sold and renovations started by October 1st. Well, by my math it is October 12th. Unless the part of the deal they are still negotiating is what date to set the time machine back to, it ain't looking purty.
Since all this has been going on the Paducah Police have also executed a search warrant at the E seizing (not me, I'm fine thanks) computers because they are looking into whether or not Bhupy finagled room deposits for the BHI (see above) and did not send back dough to those that he may have overbooked their rooms. They also allege they he may have not put this dough into a separate bank account. In other words, the Paducah Police allege Bhupy is doing the same thing the airline industry does on a daily basis but for some reason when he does it its criminal. I think they have also missed the part that it is impossible for him to steal until the people who's money he allegedly took for rooms show up at the appointed date and time and ask for the rooms and don't get a room. Funny thing is, and what our local dunder heads are not reporting, Turkey Neck's main honkey Bill Parson's was running the E when all this allegedly went down so he could very well be responsible for the TWA'ing, if you will, of the rooms.
The Cops are also looking into some former E-ployees who say they sent checks in to continue their health insurance after they ended their E-ployment but their insurance was cancelled because their payments never got their. Once again, Billy P was running the E at this time but it seems everyone is quick to blame the seemingly evil Indian guy with the turbin who looks like a Looney Tunes character. Admittedly, I can see where they can come up with that, but it seems as though there are some other obvious persons of interest in this situation.
So, as the E Turns, it sits down there with parts of it falling off. The foundation is cracking. The days keeping going by like diaphrams not preventing pregnancies after a night out at the Silver Saddle. Yet, these self imposed deadlines keep getting pushed back and everything is still allegedly going to be fine for BHI '09. I mean, if you buy into all that bullshit, just drive down to the E and look at it and ask yourself, what major hotel chain is going to want to have their name slapped onto this piece of shit? Admittedly, it is only going to be after it is remodled but when I went down there to check it out last week, I saw a joint that was so seedy and delapidated there were rats packing up their shit and moving. If they don't start remodeling it soon, it may fall down. Without water and electricity, I bet there is enough mold in that joint to make as much penicillin and blue cheese as a fat salad-eatin son of a bitch with an infection could stand. And another thing, if Bhupy was worried about getting a mortgage on the property, what does that tell you? It tells you that Parsons and Green don't have the 9 million in cash to buy the hell hole from Bhupy. If they don't have all the dinars to buy it from Bhupy, where are they going to get the ducketts to do the rest of this shit? Mark my words, I think Spaceghost Management or whatever the hell it is is shadier than Bhupy himself. The Bhupster is a cheap bastard just out to make a buck. Well, about 4 million bucks. As I've said on numerous occasions, he bought the worlds shittiest hotel and has proceeded to run it into the dirt and has used it as leverage against the Shity Commission against the BHI to up its value. Evil but good business. I think Bill Parsons and his Space Ghost Management firm had something to do with all this shit going south to put pressure on Bhupy to sell the E and/or to get a more favorable price. Parsons was using his position inside the E to tighten Buphy's towel, so to speak. I mean, splain to me how in the fuck Space Ghost Hospitality don't have a written contract to manage that joint when Parsons owns or operates other hotels? Yeah, write.
Well, I've gots to get some shut eye. It is good to be back. I only rehired myself because I couldn't afford to hire someone to do this for me any cheaper than what I paid myself to do it. That is my comment on my extended absence. Maybe I'll take an ad out on someone else's blog.
.....I'm just sayin'......
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Sarah Palin didn't want no part of that bridge to nowhere but can you chip in on a bridge loan so we can keep the quilters around for another year?
John McCain picked the hot school marm chinook (I don't even know what that word means but I think it is a nickname for Alaskans. But, if it isn't, I mint it to be.) Governor of Alaska as his running mate for vice president. She's been Governor since 2006. She's known John McCain since about last week. He clearly only picked her to try to sway the evangelical vote and all Hillary supporters that have stated that would not support Obama prior to his winning the nomination and after his not selecting her as his running mate. I'm not saying the woman is not a viable candidate, I mean she's the governor of a state for christ's sake. But, let's be honest hear. If John McCain wanted to really pick a woman candidate there were others out there that he wasn't going to have to "vet" and that he already knew. For instance, there is that highly intelligent black chic with a name that sounds like a cheap and quick meal idea in the oval office. What's her name? Condolezza Rice I believe?
Now, Palin has been the VP candidate for like a weak and a half and the media has already begun to torture her over the fact that her one apparently large breasted teenage daugter is pregnant. I don't think that is fair because, as the previous sentence points out, there are two very obvious reasons as to how that situation came about. How her daughter doing the nasty and getting knocked up effects her ability to essentially be a political figure head I have no fucking idea. I mean, what the hell? I far more worried that we may elect a crazy fucking 71 one year old nut who said we're going to be in Iraq for 100 years than some woman who may have to wipe baby spit off her sholder before she takes the reins if the 71 year old guy keels over.
As for Joe Biden, all I know about him is that I have no fucking clue about him. He is apparently boring because no one covered his speeches as much as they did hers or I have remembered some shit about him. He's got some bad hair. He's allegedly big on foreign policy and that is why he was picked. His son is attorney general of somewhere and is going to Iraq. Other than that, I couldn't tell ye.
Now back to the more controversial, because she's a hot, allegedly inexperienced "chic"......
All this shit about her not being able to be V.P. and a mom because she's got all the chitlins is bullshit to. I mean her daughter would have been gettin' it just the same if she had been a stay at home mom. That had nothing to do with it. If she had been V.P. it just would have mint a secret service guy would have had to listen to it. She can be an excellent and V.P. No one ever raises questions as to whether guys can be good dads and good presidents or V.P.'s so they shouldn't do it to her.
Now, the interesting thing with her is the son with down syndrome. She's made a big deal out how she'll be a champion for children with disabilities. According to something I saw, while in office, she's actually cut funding for special education while in office as governor of Alaska. Now obviously, that may have occurred before her son was born. However, I think some fewls in the media need to be jumping her arse for those comments and question the shit out of her for making them and ask her to justify them if the numbers CNN threw out there was the true.
Once again, Joe Biden, boring. Bad hair but Donald Trump's is worse and he's not running for president and won't be debating against him.
In one of his post "look at the hot chic I picked" speeches McCain told the anecdote about Palin selling the Alaskan Governor's jet on ebay for a profit. Bullshit. She did sell it. But not on ebay. She sold it to a private investor. At a loss. I mean this guy will fucking do anything to get elected. I have no idea why politicians tell lies that are so goddamn easy to prove are false. I mean CNN ferreted that one out quicker than an actual one out of Richard Gere's rectum. Palin is also bragging about how she told Congress to gargle her ovaries on the famed "Bridge to Nowhere" in Alaska. This was the bridge that was going to replace the ferry that goes between Ketchikan Island and Gravina Islands in Alaska and it was going to cost a mere $400 million bucks. There is an internation airport on Ketchikan Island for those of you keeping score at home. In reality, Mrs. Palin was all about the money for Nowhere to go to somwehere in her state until the uproar about it in the rest of the country and then she became governor and then she became anti- Bridge to Nowehere.
Speaking of bridges, have you been keeping up with the lastest on the saga of the Sleazy E? Apparently Tom Green and Space Ghost don't have any type of legal agreement with Buphy to really run the Sleazy E and now they have thrown down the turbin and told him either he sells or they are out? Mayor Turkey Neck is trying to meat with an investor who he will not name - which is surprising because up until today's Republican Sun Always Rises he's spilled the last minute beans- to get a bridge loan to finance a feasibility study to get a brand name thrown on the hotel?
Wasn't all of this shit sposetuh have been taken care of back in fucking April when the quilt show was allegedly saved from the grasps of that other interloper then with whatever agreement these motherfuckers apparently didn't have? The Republican Sun Also Rises reported the other day that the cats from Space Ghost operations or whatever it is called didn't have a written agreement with Buphy. Are they exchanging swatch guards up in this trailer as proof they agree on shit? No matter how shitty the Sleazy E is, I can't believe you would have anything to do with a guy so cheap that his turbin is made from a towel he stole from his own hotel without getting it in writing but no, our fucking Mayor Turkey Neck somehow found these cats. The story said they had an agreement to buy the joint but when it was put in writing Bupy wouldn't sign it. I guess we'll see where that will go.
And, of all things, hurricane season is effecting this shit now. Mayor Turkey Neck was going to meat with this private Bridge to a Quilt Show investor but, allegedly, Hurricane Ike and Tina stopped him from showing up. I mean, its one thing if our homegrown idiocy causes us to lose the quilt show, but now mother nature is conspiring against us as well. Mother nature could help us out and have Hurricane Ike and Tina leave a good job in city and destroy the Sleazy E. That would save us all the worry about all these goddamn bridge loans and all this shit.
....I'm just sayin'......
Now, Palin has been the VP candidate for like a weak and a half and the media has already begun to torture her over the fact that her one apparently large breasted teenage daugter is pregnant. I don't think that is fair because, as the previous sentence points out, there are two very obvious reasons as to how that situation came about. How her daughter doing the nasty and getting knocked up effects her ability to essentially be a political figure head I have no fucking idea. I mean, what the hell? I far more worried that we may elect a crazy fucking 71 one year old nut who said we're going to be in Iraq for 100 years than some woman who may have to wipe baby spit off her sholder before she takes the reins if the 71 year old guy keels over.
As for Joe Biden, all I know about him is that I have no fucking clue about him. He is apparently boring because no one covered his speeches as much as they did hers or I have remembered some shit about him. He's got some bad hair. He's allegedly big on foreign policy and that is why he was picked. His son is attorney general of somewhere and is going to Iraq. Other than that, I couldn't tell ye.
Now back to the more controversial, because she's a hot, allegedly inexperienced "chic"......
All this shit about her not being able to be V.P. and a mom because she's got all the chitlins is bullshit to. I mean her daughter would have been gettin' it just the same if she had been a stay at home mom. That had nothing to do with it. If she had been V.P. it just would have mint a secret service guy would have had to listen to it. She can be an excellent and V.P. No one ever raises questions as to whether guys can be good dads and good presidents or V.P.'s so they shouldn't do it to her.
Now, the interesting thing with her is the son with down syndrome. She's made a big deal out how she'll be a champion for children with disabilities. According to something I saw, while in office, she's actually cut funding for special education while in office as governor of Alaska. Now obviously, that may have occurred before her son was born. However, I think some fewls in the media need to be jumping her arse for those comments and question the shit out of her for making them and ask her to justify them if the numbers CNN threw out there was the true.
Once again, Joe Biden, boring. Bad hair but Donald Trump's is worse and he's not running for president and won't be debating against him.
In one of his post "look at the hot chic I picked" speeches McCain told the anecdote about Palin selling the Alaskan Governor's jet on ebay for a profit. Bullshit. She did sell it. But not on ebay. She sold it to a private investor. At a loss. I mean this guy will fucking do anything to get elected. I have no idea why politicians tell lies that are so goddamn easy to prove are false. I mean CNN ferreted that one out quicker than an actual one out of Richard Gere's rectum. Palin is also bragging about how she told Congress to gargle her ovaries on the famed "Bridge to Nowhere" in Alaska. This was the bridge that was going to replace the ferry that goes between Ketchikan Island and Gravina Islands in Alaska and it was going to cost a mere $400 million bucks. There is an internation airport on Ketchikan Island for those of you keeping score at home. In reality, Mrs. Palin was all about the money for Nowhere to go to somwehere in her state until the uproar about it in the rest of the country and then she became governor and then she became anti- Bridge to Nowehere.
Speaking of bridges, have you been keeping up with the lastest on the saga of the Sleazy E? Apparently Tom Green and Space Ghost don't have any type of legal agreement with Buphy to really run the Sleazy E and now they have thrown down the turbin and told him either he sells or they are out? Mayor Turkey Neck is trying to meat with an investor who he will not name - which is surprising because up until today's Republican Sun Always Rises he's spilled the last minute beans- to get a bridge loan to finance a feasibility study to get a brand name thrown on the hotel?
Wasn't all of this shit sposetuh have been taken care of back in fucking April when the quilt show was allegedly saved from the grasps of that other interloper then with whatever agreement these motherfuckers apparently didn't have? The Republican Sun Also Rises reported the other day that the cats from Space Ghost operations or whatever it is called didn't have a written agreement with Buphy. Are they exchanging swatch guards up in this trailer as proof they agree on shit? No matter how shitty the Sleazy E is, I can't believe you would have anything to do with a guy so cheap that his turbin is made from a towel he stole from his own hotel without getting it in writing but no, our fucking Mayor Turkey Neck somehow found these cats. The story said they had an agreement to buy the joint but when it was put in writing Bupy wouldn't sign it. I guess we'll see where that will go.
And, of all things, hurricane season is effecting this shit now. Mayor Turkey Neck was going to meat with this private Bridge to a Quilt Show investor but, allegedly, Hurricane Ike and Tina stopped him from showing up. I mean, its one thing if our homegrown idiocy causes us to lose the quilt show, but now mother nature is conspiring against us as well. Mother nature could help us out and have Hurricane Ike and Tina leave a good job in city and destroy the Sleazy E. That would save us all the worry about all these goddamn bridge loans and all this shit.
....I'm just sayin'......
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Advertisement ain't nuthin' but 100% lie and, if you don't belive it, F Youk!
F YOUK! Is what a shirt that I bought outside Yankee Stadium says. If you don't know what that means you probably have never been cussed or have never cussed anyone. And, on a secondary level, you apparently don't understand the Boston Red Sox v. Yankees rivalry. Kevin Youklis is the catcher for the Red Sox. Fuck is a cuss word. Y O U is yourself. Put it together. Get it? The shirt is a ringer T, so to speak, white with a red collar and red cuffs. Pretty tasty. It's written in gothic kind of writing to class up the innuendo of the whole scenario as if the F-Bomb could be classed up. I guess that's why they went with a ringer T as opposed to just a normal T cause that wouldn't have done it justice.
The Bronx is a fucking hell whole. Rougher than your butt whole after eating brillo covered corn. There are bags of trash piled up on the side of the street. There was a brand new tire on the sidewalk near our hotel. Sure, it was like a new spare tire for LeCar, but it was a new tire nonetheless. They had a store in one of the neighborhood's we walked through going to the Stadium called "Kennedy's Fried Chicken and Pizza". Who do you think that was a rip off of? I was surprised the goateed's one's peep's hadn't been down to this joint and sprayed a fucking restraining order on the front of his metal protector things. It was even a pink color and was similar to the Colonel in style. If the motherfucker had boneless slice of pizza I would have felt a need to turn the son of a bitch in myself as a Kentuckian but, alas, it was 9:30 a.m. and there was a 1:00 p.m start and I needed a beer and I had a couple of more blocks to walk.
We're staying a place a mile from Yankee Stadium and the cab ride back the first night was $30 bucks. No shit. How ridiculous. The guy running our hotel told us it was safe to walk during the day but not at night. We walked the first day. Cabbed the night back. The Yankees lost that night. Second night the Yankees lost. Got their ass kicked. As we were leaving, the first cabbie we approached offered us a ride for $50. We politely told him to kiss our ass. The second cabbie acted like he had never heard of the Howard Johnson Inn @ Yankee Stadium, which would be akin to saying you had never heard of the that big shitty hotel they will never start renovating for the quilt fest in Paducah. While he stuttered around and acted like he had never heard of the joint to come up with an astronomical price to quote us, we walked off and decided - in our anger over seeing our team get their ass kicked again for the second consecutive night - to brave the gauntlet and to walk back to our prison like hotel . My dad and I quickly came up with a system. If anyone approached us, we would ask no questions, we would simply kick their fucking ass. It was his 60th birthday and we were going to put everything the Nuns taught him during his Catholic School beatings to use.
We walked past the new Yankee Stadium and down the incredibly broken up sidewalk and past the projects. Projects doesn't really seem like the right word because it seems like a word describing where families alllegedly live should give some kind of hope and, if you could see these places, you would say the only things they projected was fear and poverty. I swear they should have had an endless track of Pelvis' song In The Ghetto playing in the Bronx. At the very leasty they should have had Cartman from Southpark singing it. Whoever wrote that song must have been talking about that fucking joint. I mean, that place was so poor, I could see people playing poker with Spam up in that motherfucker. Anyway, we passed a closed Chinese restaraunt that I do have a picture of called Dong King. No shit. The first day I saw it, I thought it was something owned by the big, finger-in-the-socket-do-having-boxing promoter guy. But no. It's a closed down Chinese food joint that seemingly would have attracted a lot of size queens. Werd.
Back to us walking through the Valley of Darkness. There were several encounters with people that looked at us funny but they pretty much just let us pass. Some of them said "Fuck the Yankees". We never had to bow up. We stopped in a convenient store. It was actually a Quick Market but it was convenient to us. We bought some 24 ounce swills in bottles to drink when we got back to our prison and for protection. As my dad said, "If you ginged someone in the coconut with a 24, you get the double pleasure of seeing them hit the ground and still getting to drink the beer. Always carry an opener." Adrenaline and a taste for the drink are quite a powerful thing when combined in more than moderation. When you run through the jungle, run with more than two 24's as we always say.
As dangerous as it is here, there is a fucking police station right next to our hotel! No shit! The BXTF is right next door! When I saw BXTF I expected fucking Aquaman to show up or someone on a fancy bike to jump a ramp and do a flip or something and give me a ticket for not putting my hair gel in a goddman ziplock bag. BXTF sounds impressive. Cops are everywhere near Yankee Stadium. Sure, the hog presence is kewl but you still definitely feel that just outside in this general vinicinity lurks some unruliness that could be untamed into your ass being finagled at any minute if you were put in the wong sityashun if you weren't careful, i.e. drank to many swills at the game and did not keep your shit together.
Mixed drinks cost $10.50 at Yankee Stadium. Is there some kind of liquor tax in NY that I'm unaware of? Did some Indians throw whiskey into the fucking Hudson river that the federal government is still trying to tax us back for? How in the hell does a drink go from $2.75 to $10.50 from KY to NY? I mean I realize there is a lot of real estate between there and hear (remember I'm writing hear, not there [there meaning KY] ) but how in the wholly hell can there be that big of a fucking difference in the price of a goddamn gurgle burger between the lines? You know the government is so worried about the price of health care, minimum wage laws, social security and the war in Iraq when they should be looking at the price of swill in New York. Fuck the price of gas. Look at how much a drinks costs up in this trailer! I want a Senate Commission with Ted Kenneday appointed. I bet that fewl will be all about investigating some of this shit. He'll be hands on as a motherfucker. There will be a bunch of "fact finding" "on sight" inspections into many of the city's watering holes to see why such inflated prices are being inflicted on "interstate commerce participants". You could almost afford to drive from NYC to Paducah for the difference in the price of gas. Fat Moe's should maybe start to advertise in the the New York Times. Just an idea.
Barak is giving a purty good speech write now. You know what is funny about him? One of the criticisms about him is that he is too eloquent. How in the wholly fuck can you be too eloquent? Can you explain something too well? Can you understand something too well? For instance, can you write too much of a right answer on an essay exam? I mean that is one of that dumbest fucking things - much less a criticism of someone I've ever fucking heard. That's like saying he's too smart or his dick is too big. Yeah, those are both problems any man wouldn't want to have. The Republican Party is fucking stretching to come up with some way to come up with something to say about Obama other than calling him the N word. That's the fucking truth. They can't do it. That son of a bitch is smart. He's intelligent. He has good idea's. He's the political Pepsi to their Coke and he has them freaked out and George W's eight years of mis Q's have set him up for a victory.
HOWEVER, Angry Johnny McCain and galactically rich beer distributing wife is making up ground. He is in a dead heat with BO. It's BO v. JM. We've got to stop the rich honkey without the clue as to how many houses he owns (see recent response to question from the media) from continuing this hell we've endured since the end of the tenure of the end of the fat blow job getting cat from Arkansas from winning the election.
Let's get something else out in the open. Who gives a fuck that John McCain is a war hero! I mean, I do in terms of what he did for the country because he deserves praise for that and we, as a country should always be grateful, but that does not mean he should be president. He won medals for that shit. He gets a fucking pension. He was paid and continues to get paid for that. He is an American hero. No doubt about that. Custer was a great American. That didn't mean he should have been President. It is this simple. If you want another 4 years of GWB vote for John McCain. If you want our equivalent of Custer to be President, vote forMcCain.
......I'm just sayin'........
The Bronx is a fucking hell whole. Rougher than your butt whole after eating brillo covered corn. There are bags of trash piled up on the side of the street. There was a brand new tire on the sidewalk near our hotel. Sure, it was like a new spare tire for LeCar, but it was a new tire nonetheless. They had a store in one of the neighborhood's we walked through going to the Stadium called "Kennedy's Fried Chicken and Pizza". Who do you think that was a rip off of? I was surprised the goateed's one's peep's hadn't been down to this joint and sprayed a fucking restraining order on the front of his metal protector things. It was even a pink color and was similar to the Colonel in style. If the motherfucker had boneless slice of pizza I would have felt a need to turn the son of a bitch in myself as a Kentuckian but, alas, it was 9:30 a.m. and there was a 1:00 p.m start and I needed a beer and I had a couple of more blocks to walk.
We're staying a place a mile from Yankee Stadium and the cab ride back the first night was $30 bucks. No shit. How ridiculous. The guy running our hotel told us it was safe to walk during the day but not at night. We walked the first day. Cabbed the night back. The Yankees lost that night. Second night the Yankees lost. Got their ass kicked. As we were leaving, the first cabbie we approached offered us a ride for $50. We politely told him to kiss our ass. The second cabbie acted like he had never heard of the Howard Johnson Inn @ Yankee Stadium, which would be akin to saying you had never heard of the that big shitty hotel they will never start renovating for the quilt fest in Paducah. While he stuttered around and acted like he had never heard of the joint to come up with an astronomical price to quote us, we walked off and decided - in our anger over seeing our team get their ass kicked again for the second consecutive night - to brave the gauntlet and to walk back to our prison like hotel . My dad and I quickly came up with a system. If anyone approached us, we would ask no questions, we would simply kick their fucking ass. It was his 60th birthday and we were going to put everything the Nuns taught him during his Catholic School beatings to use.
We walked past the new Yankee Stadium and down the incredibly broken up sidewalk and past the projects. Projects doesn't really seem like the right word because it seems like a word describing where families alllegedly live should give some kind of hope and, if you could see these places, you would say the only things they projected was fear and poverty. I swear they should have had an endless track of Pelvis' song In The Ghetto playing in the Bronx. At the very leasty they should have had Cartman from Southpark singing it. Whoever wrote that song must have been talking about that fucking joint. I mean, that place was so poor, I could see people playing poker with Spam up in that motherfucker. Anyway, we passed a closed Chinese restaraunt that I do have a picture of called Dong King. No shit. The first day I saw it, I thought it was something owned by the big, finger-in-the-socket-do-having-boxing promoter guy. But no. It's a closed down Chinese food joint that seemingly would have attracted a lot of size queens. Werd.
Back to us walking through the Valley of Darkness. There were several encounters with people that looked at us funny but they pretty much just let us pass. Some of them said "Fuck the Yankees". We never had to bow up. We stopped in a convenient store. It was actually a Quick Market but it was convenient to us. We bought some 24 ounce swills in bottles to drink when we got back to our prison and for protection. As my dad said, "If you ginged someone in the coconut with a 24, you get the double pleasure of seeing them hit the ground and still getting to drink the beer. Always carry an opener." Adrenaline and a taste for the drink are quite a powerful thing when combined in more than moderation. When you run through the jungle, run with more than two 24's as we always say.
As dangerous as it is here, there is a fucking police station right next to our hotel! No shit! The BXTF is right next door! When I saw BXTF I expected fucking Aquaman to show up or someone on a fancy bike to jump a ramp and do a flip or something and give me a ticket for not putting my hair gel in a goddman ziplock bag. BXTF sounds impressive. Cops are everywhere near Yankee Stadium. Sure, the hog presence is kewl but you still definitely feel that just outside in this general vinicinity lurks some unruliness that could be untamed into your ass being finagled at any minute if you were put in the wong sityashun if you weren't careful, i.e. drank to many swills at the game and did not keep your shit together.
Mixed drinks cost $10.50 at Yankee Stadium. Is there some kind of liquor tax in NY that I'm unaware of? Did some Indians throw whiskey into the fucking Hudson river that the federal government is still trying to tax us back for? How in the hell does a drink go from $2.75 to $10.50 from KY to NY? I mean I realize there is a lot of real estate between there and hear (remember I'm writing hear, not there [there meaning KY] ) but how in the wholly hell can there be that big of a fucking difference in the price of a goddamn gurgle burger between the lines? You know the government is so worried about the price of health care, minimum wage laws, social security and the war in Iraq when they should be looking at the price of swill in New York. Fuck the price of gas. Look at how much a drinks costs up in this trailer! I want a Senate Commission with Ted Kenneday appointed. I bet that fewl will be all about investigating some of this shit. He'll be hands on as a motherfucker. There will be a bunch of "fact finding" "on sight" inspections into many of the city's watering holes to see why such inflated prices are being inflicted on "interstate commerce participants". You could almost afford to drive from NYC to Paducah for the difference in the price of gas. Fat Moe's should maybe start to advertise in the the New York Times. Just an idea.
Barak is giving a purty good speech write now. You know what is funny about him? One of the criticisms about him is that he is too eloquent. How in the wholly fuck can you be too eloquent? Can you explain something too well? Can you understand something too well? For instance, can you write too much of a right answer on an essay exam? I mean that is one of that dumbest fucking things - much less a criticism of someone I've ever fucking heard. That's like saying he's too smart or his dick is too big. Yeah, those are both problems any man wouldn't want to have. The Republican Party is fucking stretching to come up with some way to come up with something to say about Obama other than calling him the N word. That's the fucking truth. They can't do it. That son of a bitch is smart. He's intelligent. He has good idea's. He's the political Pepsi to their Coke and he has them freaked out and George W's eight years of mis Q's have set him up for a victory.
HOWEVER, Angry Johnny McCain and galactically rich beer distributing wife is making up ground. He is in a dead heat with BO. It's BO v. JM. We've got to stop the rich honkey without the clue as to how many houses he owns (see recent response to question from the media) from continuing this hell we've endured since the end of the tenure of the end of the fat blow job getting cat from Arkansas from winning the election.
Let's get something else out in the open. Who gives a fuck that John McCain is a war hero! I mean, I do in terms of what he did for the country because he deserves praise for that and we, as a country should always be grateful, but that does not mean he should be president. He won medals for that shit. He gets a fucking pension. He was paid and continues to get paid for that. He is an American hero. No doubt about that. Custer was a great American. That didn't mean he should have been President. It is this simple. If you want another 4 years of GWB vote for John McCain. If you want our equivalent of Custer to be President, vote forMcCain.
......I'm just sayin'........
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Things we've learnt in the Big City
The Hojo Inn @ Yankee Stadium just looks likes a maximum security prison on the outside but on the inside it is quite minimum security friendly.
A Maker's Mark and diet coke and a Yeungling costs $16.00 bucks at a swill shop across the street from the Stadium.
A one mile cab ride from the Stadium after the Yankees get their ass kicked by the Red Sox back to your medium security prison costs $30.00 bucks.
A Yankees Cheese Hero sandwhich with Beef at the Yankee Tavern is a big ass sandwhich that is essentially a side of beef, with onions and velveeta and it is bigger than your ass. The fries are not good and should be avoided. The ambiance is all looney Yankees fans so that is tasty but the food is more subpar than Joe Pepitone's batting average.
Contrary to popular belief, the Bronx is not all bunkers, barb wire and people shooting at each other. Mind you, we have seen our fair share of projects, empty swill bottles, trash, hoochies, hoodlums, alleged miscreants and whatnots and whathaveyes, but all the fans at the Stadium have been very nice. They all been exteremly nice to us when they discovered our hick origins. Funny thing was, when the warden - excuse me - proprietor of hotel saw us walking to the Stadium, he said, "Walk straight that way. Take a cab back." We followed his advice of course. But, in the stadium though, it wasn't a ton of cussing and screaming or really even a bunch of fools harassing the Red Sox fans. It was really a kinder gentler breed of Yankee Fan. Sure, there were people selling and wearing shirts that said "Bawston Sawks Cawk" and the back stated that someone swallowed but, other than that - and a shirt with a Red Sox with a penis for a nose - I saw no real aggession.
Well, that is the first update from the Woad. It's beer thirty and me pop's 60th birthday. We're doing Monument Park and buying souveniers and all that jazz today. Werd up.
....I'm just sayin....
A Maker's Mark and diet coke and a Yeungling costs $16.00 bucks at a swill shop across the street from the Stadium.
A one mile cab ride from the Stadium after the Yankees get their ass kicked by the Red Sox back to your medium security prison costs $30.00 bucks.
A Yankees Cheese Hero sandwhich with Beef at the Yankee Tavern is a big ass sandwhich that is essentially a side of beef, with onions and velveeta and it is bigger than your ass. The fries are not good and should be avoided. The ambiance is all looney Yankees fans so that is tasty but the food is more subpar than Joe Pepitone's batting average.
Contrary to popular belief, the Bronx is not all bunkers, barb wire and people shooting at each other. Mind you, we have seen our fair share of projects, empty swill bottles, trash, hoochies, hoodlums, alleged miscreants and whatnots and whathaveyes, but all the fans at the Stadium have been very nice. They all been exteremly nice to us when they discovered our hick origins. Funny thing was, when the warden - excuse me - proprietor of hotel saw us walking to the Stadium, he said, "Walk straight that way. Take a cab back." We followed his advice of course. But, in the stadium though, it wasn't a ton of cussing and screaming or really even a bunch of fools harassing the Red Sox fans. It was really a kinder gentler breed of Yankee Fan. Sure, there were people selling and wearing shirts that said "Bawston Sawks Cawk" and the back stated that someone swallowed but, other than that - and a shirt with a Red Sox with a penis for a nose - I saw no real aggession.
Well, that is the first update from the Woad. It's beer thirty and me pop's 60th birthday. We're doing Monument Park and buying souveniers and all that jazz today. Werd up.
....I'm just sayin....
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Stand, sit, kneel and I need more cow bell!
As you may have figgered if you've ever read anything I've ever written on this hear blog, I didn't growed up round no religion. Or, as my pops likes to say, I'm unchurched.
This fact was never more evident than the other day when I about lost my gourd during the funeral of one of yet another one of my uncle's named Joseph. You see my dad had nine brother's and one sister. 8 of the ten weenie-haver's were named in honor of He Who Got None. The lone "split tail" - as redneck's like to say - in the group was named Mary. My fucking dad's family should have had a show on Fox called When Catholicism Attacks.
I couldn't get up and tear out at any point during the mass at the church because I was in the first stink row and I was a paw bear or however you spell it. I took the honor of throwing my uncle in a hole seriously, but the rest of it I just don't fucking get. First of all, when we walked into the joint, the geezer who looked deader than Scorpion (my uncle's nickname), was walking in front of his box carrying a huge cross. I thought for a minute we were renacting a scene from Raiders of the Lost Arc. One of my cousin's son's was wearing what appeared to be a white potato sack with strategically cut holes for his head and arms in it with a rather stylish lime green rope belt that seems to be all the rage for young 10 year old Catholic boys. He's apparently an alter boy. Now, I could digress into a rant about the ramifications of what that may or may not mean but I saw no evidence that Father Pete O'phelia had been fooling around his rectory, if you know what I'm sayin. As for the guy that was apparently on the Masters Tour for Alter Boys, I have no clue what that was all about. He stood there the whole service and helped my second cousin fetch an astonishing array of religious paraphernalia. Huge ass bronze paddles, a silver plated thing with incence in it, some fancy ass bronze wine glasses, some big bowl things with some rather dainty crackers and stick that had a ball on the end that slung water. With all this shit, you could almost envision a priest standing on a street corner outside of Catholic churches asking people if they needed anything after mass and then opening their coats to give them a fix. That or opening their coats to show them wearing nuthing but a collar and a hard-on. See, I just can't get away from the sex scandal.
Anyway, back to the funeral. There was an actual choir singing in the upper deck behind the pews. That was kind of weird. They were belting out the appropriate tunes in response to what Father Chris preached. I've never been to a funeral with a live band. I mean no one yelled out "Freebird" or anything but it was strange. At the end, out of nowhere, unannounced, some guy belted out "Wind Beneath My Wings". I about cracked up. The guy's voice was cheezy to say the least. I kept thinking Bette Midler in drag had shown up at Cut's (yet another nickname) funeral and had decided to liven things up. I got over it once I realized one of my cousin's who I really admire asked that that song be sung in honor of his dad. Otherwise, the yuck factor was high.
I think Catholics invinted step aerobics. What the fuck is the deal with all the standing, sitting and knealing? I thought that extra little bar thing with the pad in front of the pew was a foot rest. Then everyone kept getting up and kneeling on it. Then sitting down. Then kneeling again. They should hand out programs to the unchurched like me before you go to one of these things. Hell, they should almost make you take a physical. There were some old bastards in the back that I didn't think were going to make it with all the chanting about hailing cabs, excuse me, Mary's and kneeling, and then praising the Eucharist tree or whatever it is. What's with all that chanting? I felt like a Moose at an Elk's Lodge meeting. I mean even my dad remembered some of the chants from the days when he use to get beat for not eating all his lunch and repeated some of them for old punches-to-the-nose-from-a-nun's-sake.
And then you got your priest. Father Chris was his name. He was from New York. Once again, you wonder, how did he end up in this tiny town in KY? He would start sentences like, "Were hear today because we're missing someone, but we'll get to that later." He was all about glossing over stuff. He had a northern accent and his tongue smacked his front teeth when he talked. While the choir was belting out songs, he sat in this big wooden chair and appeared to sleep. After the mass and service, several of my family members remarked how great he was because of how fast it all went. Body Mass came in at just under an hour and by all accounts that is miraculous. Praise jesus!
While the service was going on - I almost forgot - there was one point when Fr. Chris was reading from some black book. I can't remember its name. Uh, um...... oh yeah, I think its called the Bible. Anyway, he was reading from "The Bible" and when he read a certain passage, out of nowhere, unannounced, a fucking bell rang. I immediately looked up and wondered if a train was coming threw or someone had ordered Rice-a-Roni. I saw no train tracks and I did not see any waiter so I just thought my Topamax had misfired and I let it go. Everyone sat back down, kneeled again, stood, sat, knealed, sat, stood, sat, back to standing and we were knealing again. Some more chanting. They really should have beer tenders or soda jockeys at these things too. A fewl could make serious ducketts selling concessions during Catholic services. Call it Masscessions. Anyway, Fr. Chris went back to explaining that we were going to spend different amounts of time in purgatory - which led me to believe I need to open a liquor store there - and that's when I heard that goddamn bell again. But that time I saw my mathematical cousin ring it. He quickly put it up and bowed his head like a good altered little boy after doing so and like nothing had ever happened. I looked around to see if this freaked anyone else out and no one else seemed even startled by this event. I couldn't help but to think that I had been placed in the real life funeral version of the Christopher Walken SNL "I Need More Cowbell" Blue Oyster Cult Skit.
What in the holly hell does a fucking bell have to do with Jesus? I mean, unless he ever stood out in the cold in Jerusalem and collected $$$ for the Salvation Army (If he did, it truly would have been the Salvation Army.) I doubt he ever had anything to do with a bell. I'm not saying the Catholics have any of it wrong I just don't understand all the rituals and all the paraphernalia and gadgets they invovle in their beliefs. Either you believe in God or you don't. Cut out all the bullshit and just believe. I think this is why Catholics drink so much is because they're subjected to these long ass services and all that standing, sitting and knealing. The drinking is the one part of Catholicism I agree with.
On a lighter note, my uncle was a skinny dude and he was not hard to lift. We were joking that we could have cornholed him at the cemetary and, if we did with three tosses we should have gotten the funeral free. He was a good guy who loved his wife and children and he fought off emphesyma for years and was ready to give it up. As he went from the coronary care unit to the room where he died after he told them he just didn't want to feel any pain any more he gave my other uncle's a thumbs up and stuck his tongue out at his kids. He died like a man. That's the way to go out.
I also learned that the real name of my cousin Cut Bait is John Paul. Thank god. I could just see being on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and the final question being, "What is the real name of your first cousin Cut Bait" and not knowing it and not having any lifelines left. That would have sucked. For the record, he is the son of my dad's youngest brother - yes, the last Joseph - and he is less than 1/2 my age and his dad and my dad are not that close. I'm not as big of an asshole as I seem for not knowing that answer. I promise to give him some of my winnings because I now feel guilty.
...I'm just sayin.....
This fact was never more evident than the other day when I about lost my gourd during the funeral of one of yet another one of my uncle's named Joseph. You see my dad had nine brother's and one sister. 8 of the ten weenie-haver's were named in honor of He Who Got None. The lone "split tail" - as redneck's like to say - in the group was named Mary. My fucking dad's family should have had a show on Fox called When Catholicism Attacks.
I couldn't get up and tear out at any point during the mass at the church because I was in the first stink row and I was a paw bear or however you spell it. I took the honor of throwing my uncle in a hole seriously, but the rest of it I just don't fucking get. First of all, when we walked into the joint, the geezer who looked deader than Scorpion (my uncle's nickname), was walking in front of his box carrying a huge cross. I thought for a minute we were renacting a scene from Raiders of the Lost Arc. One of my cousin's son's was wearing what appeared to be a white potato sack with strategically cut holes for his head and arms in it with a rather stylish lime green rope belt that seems to be all the rage for young 10 year old Catholic boys. He's apparently an alter boy. Now, I could digress into a rant about the ramifications of what that may or may not mean but I saw no evidence that Father Pete O'phelia had been fooling around his rectory, if you know what I'm sayin. As for the guy that was apparently on the Masters Tour for Alter Boys, I have no clue what that was all about. He stood there the whole service and helped my second cousin fetch an astonishing array of religious paraphernalia. Huge ass bronze paddles, a silver plated thing with incence in it, some fancy ass bronze wine glasses, some big bowl things with some rather dainty crackers and stick that had a ball on the end that slung water. With all this shit, you could almost envision a priest standing on a street corner outside of Catholic churches asking people if they needed anything after mass and then opening their coats to give them a fix. That or opening their coats to show them wearing nuthing but a collar and a hard-on. See, I just can't get away from the sex scandal.
Anyway, back to the funeral. There was an actual choir singing in the upper deck behind the pews. That was kind of weird. They were belting out the appropriate tunes in response to what Father Chris preached. I've never been to a funeral with a live band. I mean no one yelled out "Freebird" or anything but it was strange. At the end, out of nowhere, unannounced, some guy belted out "Wind Beneath My Wings". I about cracked up. The guy's voice was cheezy to say the least. I kept thinking Bette Midler in drag had shown up at Cut's (yet another nickname) funeral and had decided to liven things up. I got over it once I realized one of my cousin's who I really admire asked that that song be sung in honor of his dad. Otherwise, the yuck factor was high.
I think Catholics invinted step aerobics. What the fuck is the deal with all the standing, sitting and knealing? I thought that extra little bar thing with the pad in front of the pew was a foot rest. Then everyone kept getting up and kneeling on it. Then sitting down. Then kneeling again. They should hand out programs to the unchurched like me before you go to one of these things. Hell, they should almost make you take a physical. There were some old bastards in the back that I didn't think were going to make it with all the chanting about hailing cabs, excuse me, Mary's and kneeling, and then praising the Eucharist tree or whatever it is. What's with all that chanting? I felt like a Moose at an Elk's Lodge meeting. I mean even my dad remembered some of the chants from the days when he use to get beat for not eating all his lunch and repeated some of them for old punches-to-the-nose-from-a-nun's-sake.
And then you got your priest. Father Chris was his name. He was from New York. Once again, you wonder, how did he end up in this tiny town in KY? He would start sentences like, "Were hear today because we're missing someone, but we'll get to that later." He was all about glossing over stuff. He had a northern accent and his tongue smacked his front teeth when he talked. While the choir was belting out songs, he sat in this big wooden chair and appeared to sleep. After the mass and service, several of my family members remarked how great he was because of how fast it all went. Body Mass came in at just under an hour and by all accounts that is miraculous. Praise jesus!
While the service was going on - I almost forgot - there was one point when Fr. Chris was reading from some black book. I can't remember its name. Uh, um...... oh yeah, I think its called the Bible. Anyway, he was reading from "The Bible" and when he read a certain passage, out of nowhere, unannounced, a fucking bell rang. I immediately looked up and wondered if a train was coming threw or someone had ordered Rice-a-Roni. I saw no train tracks and I did not see any waiter so I just thought my Topamax had misfired and I let it go. Everyone sat back down, kneeled again, stood, sat, knealed, sat, stood, sat, back to standing and we were knealing again. Some more chanting. They really should have beer tenders or soda jockeys at these things too. A fewl could make serious ducketts selling concessions during Catholic services. Call it Masscessions. Anyway, Fr. Chris went back to explaining that we were going to spend different amounts of time in purgatory - which led me to believe I need to open a liquor store there - and that's when I heard that goddamn bell again. But that time I saw my mathematical cousin ring it. He quickly put it up and bowed his head like a good altered little boy after doing so and like nothing had ever happened. I looked around to see if this freaked anyone else out and no one else seemed even startled by this event. I couldn't help but to think that I had been placed in the real life funeral version of the Christopher Walken SNL "I Need More Cowbell" Blue Oyster Cult Skit.
What in the holly hell does a fucking bell have to do with Jesus? I mean, unless he ever stood out in the cold in Jerusalem and collected $$$ for the Salvation Army (If he did, it truly would have been the Salvation Army.) I doubt he ever had anything to do with a bell. I'm not saying the Catholics have any of it wrong I just don't understand all the rituals and all the paraphernalia and gadgets they invovle in their beliefs. Either you believe in God or you don't. Cut out all the bullshit and just believe. I think this is why Catholics drink so much is because they're subjected to these long ass services and all that standing, sitting and knealing. The drinking is the one part of Catholicism I agree with.
On a lighter note, my uncle was a skinny dude and he was not hard to lift. We were joking that we could have cornholed him at the cemetary and, if we did with three tosses we should have gotten the funeral free. He was a good guy who loved his wife and children and he fought off emphesyma for years and was ready to give it up. As he went from the coronary care unit to the room where he died after he told them he just didn't want to feel any pain any more he gave my other uncle's a thumbs up and stuck his tongue out at his kids. He died like a man. That's the way to go out.
I also learned that the real name of my cousin Cut Bait is John Paul. Thank god. I could just see being on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and the final question being, "What is the real name of your first cousin Cut Bait" and not knowing it and not having any lifelines left. That would have sucked. For the record, he is the son of my dad's youngest brother - yes, the last Joseph - and he is less than 1/2 my age and his dad and my dad are not that close. I'm not as big of an asshole as I seem for not knowing that answer. I promise to give him some of my winnings because I now feel guilty.
...I'm just sayin.....
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I've been gone longer than a 10 inch hard on with Alzheimer's!
I've been busier than a beaver running a brothel lately. I must be horny because that's a helluva of a lot of sex references in the first two lines of my return to blogging. Maybe I should got blog myself before I continue writing to get over it and clear my mind since my wife is running errands. I wonder if I'm the first person ever to substitute the word blog for mastrubation? Can that be trademarked? And now to leave you wondering whether I followed through on that previous threat.......
Well childrens, a lot has happened since I last speculated on any local hypotenuses with you. Sure that stick-skinny mulatto is running for head honcho in charge (I chose those werds carefully) against that shorty stumpy angry former POW - incidentily every time I see that typed when talking about him I think I've been thrown into one of the 60's episodes of Batman. He should run ads "Golly gee willicurs, you've got to vote for McCain America. He's a veteran. POW!". - who wants to keep us in Iraq until the camels come home, but, on a local level all kinds of shiite has transgressed. Paducah Police Chief Randy Bratton quit after all his underlings gave him a vote of no confidence. Interestingly enough, all of them who had previously bitched that he had been too harsh voted they had no confidence in him because they said he had recently become too soft on people. Flacidity is another word I just thought up if it hadn't been already. Everyone straighten out your index finger and slowly bring it down. You get the point. After six or seven years His Hardness apparently went softer than the 80 year old at the pharmacy past closing begging for an advance on his Levitra script. I have no idear whether that is true or not, I just find it nuts that all those cats publicly stated they found him to be too soft. I would have just stuck with the whole he is a dick theory. I guess it doesn't matter in the end because apparently the City Commission was going to actually ball-up and fire His Hardness otherwise he would not have resigned without having antoher job already in place. How do you know he didn't have another job already in place and was going to be fired? Like all other City/County good ole boy shady "resignations" that should really be firings in this town he got a severance package. His Hardness got something like 6 months pay for bolting. I think the terms were something along the lines of 1. Do no work. 2. Leave Paducah. 3. Answer the phone if we call to ask you if you've left Paducah. 4. If someone ask you if you're a "consultant" to the Paducah Police Department or the City Commission, say "yes". Then, even though he was usurped by his own men and the only fewls in the whole mix that liked him were Turkey Neck Paxton and Zumwalt, they gave His Hardness a going away gala at City Hall! My sources have not told me what the attendance was like but I'm sure it was sparse.
As for finding his heir apparent, what did the City Commission do? Yep, you guessed it! They hired someone to help them hire someone! Nothing says competence like admitting you have no idea who is qualified to run your City's Police Department! They immediatly decided that the guys that told them His Hardness was no longer the man and should be told to hit the road were not good enough. Seems strange since those guys apparently had enough sway to push the City Commission to put the screws to His Hardnes. See Above. I have no clue why our City Commission always has this fucking desire to be metrosexual and hire someone to tell them what to do or go outside of our local ranks to find someone to do something when we may have people write here that can do the job. I find it hard to believe that Danny Carroll couldn't run the Paducah Police Dept. but they didn't even give him a chance. They immediately decided to look elsewhere. Then, when looking for an "interim chief" Turkey Neck wanted to hire someone other than who the rest of the Commission wanted to hire - former Asst. Chief Sandy Joselyn - and when she got the job he told her he wanted someone else. What the fuck is that? Why say that shit? She got the job and he's slighting her to her face because his candidate didn't get it. Seems the guys I know at the PD are cool with her as interim chief. Turkey Neck is a nut. That was just straight up classlessness.
Brian Furgeuson was burglarizin more houses than Santa Claus except he was takin shit except leaving presents. He kept getting away and a manhunt was on for like three days. He was breakin news like crazy. The funniest part of the story is, when he was eventually caught, he was in......GRAVES COUNTY! No, weight, that wasn't the punch line. Oh, I forgot. The most amazing part of the story was, when he was caught in Graves County - that much was true - he was caught in the back of local Amish scofflaw Jacob Geingrich's buggy going at a very low rate of speed without a fucking triangle warning symbol! Ole JG apparently was playing an Amish non-showering fruitcake barn-building version of Al Cowlings to Furguson's non-murdering yet still very dangerous honkey fugitive O.J. JG - as I've taken to calling him - is one of the members of that miltant (I just call it that) Amish sect (I added that too) in Graves County that refuse to display the flourescent triangle on their buggies because it is a wordly symbol and it violates their beliefs. In the Republican Sun Also Rises, he said his version of OJ came out of a field and was dirty and asked for a ride. He was riding down the rode, looked down at his copy of the paper, saw his picture and realized he had Ferguson in the back. He then motioned to police he was in the back and Ferguson gave up. What I'm wondering is, why were the police so close to JG? I've got this visual of the police like driving really slow behind JG's buggy following him as if they were just waiting to pull him over for the no triangle display thing and they lucked into this. I guess they were looking for Ferguson in the neighborhood. What I also don't get is how a newspaper couldn't also be considered "too wordly" if a triangle symbol on your buggy would be? I mean hell, the Republican Sun Also Rises exposes you to crazy shit like all those chiropractor adds talking about "spine-med therapy", those infertility ads with the osterich with the head in the sand and their editorial page. That's nuttier than an Amish fruitcake. The stuff in the paper could send an good ole Amish Boy like JG astray. I'm worried about him. Constantly breaking the law. Always in court. Hanging out with riff raff like Brian Ferguson. Someone needs to talk to him. He needs an Amish intervention.
Finally, did you seen Ferguson's picture in the paper this week when they ran a story about the additional charges he's now facing in McCracken County? I mean, he ain't a bad looking guy, but I swear whoever the jailer was who took that picture let him pose. He was turned slightly sideways, his head was cocked to the left, he had gel in his hair, a white shirt on and he had this half smirk on his face. The picture was also taken farther away then a normal mug shot, he was slightly bent over, but you could still see the markers showing how tall he was in the background. It looked like a memeber of a boyband got arrested. It was looked like the cover of an album called "N'SYNC 5 TO 10". If you can get on goole and or the Republican Sun Also Rises and look it up, I highly recommend it. It's a great picture. It is from this past week. Great stuff.
Well, the wife is hear and I've got to unload groceries. I'll get back at ye later hopefully to keep at this. Werd.
...I'm just sayin....
Well childrens, a lot has happened since I last speculated on any local hypotenuses with you. Sure that stick-skinny mulatto is running for head honcho in charge (I chose those werds carefully) against that shorty stumpy angry former POW - incidentily every time I see that typed when talking about him I think I've been thrown into one of the 60's episodes of Batman. He should run ads "Golly gee willicurs, you've got to vote for McCain America. He's a veteran. POW!". - who wants to keep us in Iraq until the camels come home, but, on a local level all kinds of shiite has transgressed. Paducah Police Chief Randy Bratton quit after all his underlings gave him a vote of no confidence. Interestingly enough, all of them who had previously bitched that he had been too harsh voted they had no confidence in him because they said he had recently become too soft on people. Flacidity is another word I just thought up if it hadn't been already. Everyone straighten out your index finger and slowly bring it down. You get the point. After six or seven years His Hardness apparently went softer than the 80 year old at the pharmacy past closing begging for an advance on his Levitra script. I have no idear whether that is true or not, I just find it nuts that all those cats publicly stated they found him to be too soft. I would have just stuck with the whole he is a dick theory. I guess it doesn't matter in the end because apparently the City Commission was going to actually ball-up and fire His Hardness otherwise he would not have resigned without having antoher job already in place. How do you know he didn't have another job already in place and was going to be fired? Like all other City/County good ole boy shady "resignations" that should really be firings in this town he got a severance package. His Hardness got something like 6 months pay for bolting. I think the terms were something along the lines of 1. Do no work. 2. Leave Paducah. 3. Answer the phone if we call to ask you if you've left Paducah. 4. If someone ask you if you're a "consultant" to the Paducah Police Department or the City Commission, say "yes". Then, even though he was usurped by his own men and the only fewls in the whole mix that liked him were Turkey Neck Paxton and Zumwalt, they gave His Hardness a going away gala at City Hall! My sources have not told me what the attendance was like but I'm sure it was sparse.
As for finding his heir apparent, what did the City Commission do? Yep, you guessed it! They hired someone to help them hire someone! Nothing says competence like admitting you have no idea who is qualified to run your City's Police Department! They immediatly decided that the guys that told them His Hardness was no longer the man and should be told to hit the road were not good enough. Seems strange since those guys apparently had enough sway to push the City Commission to put the screws to His Hardnes. See Above. I have no clue why our City Commission always has this fucking desire to be metrosexual and hire someone to tell them what to do or go outside of our local ranks to find someone to do something when we may have people write here that can do the job. I find it hard to believe that Danny Carroll couldn't run the Paducah Police Dept. but they didn't even give him a chance. They immediately decided to look elsewhere. Then, when looking for an "interim chief" Turkey Neck wanted to hire someone other than who the rest of the Commission wanted to hire - former Asst. Chief Sandy Joselyn - and when she got the job he told her he wanted someone else. What the fuck is that? Why say that shit? She got the job and he's slighting her to her face because his candidate didn't get it. Seems the guys I know at the PD are cool with her as interim chief. Turkey Neck is a nut. That was just straight up classlessness.
Brian Furgeuson was burglarizin more houses than Santa Claus except he was takin shit except leaving presents. He kept getting away and a manhunt was on for like three days. He was breakin news like crazy. The funniest part of the story is, when he was eventually caught, he was in......GRAVES COUNTY! No, weight, that wasn't the punch line. Oh, I forgot. The most amazing part of the story was, when he was caught in Graves County - that much was true - he was caught in the back of local Amish scofflaw Jacob Geingrich's buggy going at a very low rate of speed without a fucking triangle warning symbol! Ole JG apparently was playing an Amish non-showering fruitcake barn-building version of Al Cowlings to Furguson's non-murdering yet still very dangerous honkey fugitive O.J. JG - as I've taken to calling him - is one of the members of that miltant (I just call it that) Amish sect (I added that too) in Graves County that refuse to display the flourescent triangle on their buggies because it is a wordly symbol and it violates their beliefs. In the Republican Sun Also Rises, he said his version of OJ came out of a field and was dirty and asked for a ride. He was riding down the rode, looked down at his copy of the paper, saw his picture and realized he had Ferguson in the back. He then motioned to police he was in the back and Ferguson gave up. What I'm wondering is, why were the police so close to JG? I've got this visual of the police like driving really slow behind JG's buggy following him as if they were just waiting to pull him over for the no triangle display thing and they lucked into this. I guess they were looking for Ferguson in the neighborhood. What I also don't get is how a newspaper couldn't also be considered "too wordly" if a triangle symbol on your buggy would be? I mean hell, the Republican Sun Also Rises exposes you to crazy shit like all those chiropractor adds talking about "spine-med therapy", those infertility ads with the osterich with the head in the sand and their editorial page. That's nuttier than an Amish fruitcake. The stuff in the paper could send an good ole Amish Boy like JG astray. I'm worried about him. Constantly breaking the law. Always in court. Hanging out with riff raff like Brian Ferguson. Someone needs to talk to him. He needs an Amish intervention.
Finally, did you seen Ferguson's picture in the paper this week when they ran a story about the additional charges he's now facing in McCracken County? I mean, he ain't a bad looking guy, but I swear whoever the jailer was who took that picture let him pose. He was turned slightly sideways, his head was cocked to the left, he had gel in his hair, a white shirt on and he had this half smirk on his face. The picture was also taken farther away then a normal mug shot, he was slightly bent over, but you could still see the markers showing how tall he was in the background. It looked like a memeber of a boyband got arrested. It was looked like the cover of an album called "N'SYNC 5 TO 10". If you can get on goole and or the Republican Sun Also Rises and look it up, I highly recommend it. It's a great picture. It is from this past week. Great stuff.
Well, the wife is hear and I've got to unload groceries. I'll get back at ye later hopefully to keep at this. Werd.
...I'm just sayin....
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Houston, we have a Four Star Hotel and water park where the biggest shitty hotel in America once stood. Over.
The Big E is the greatest ongoing story Paducah has going right now. Bhupinder Singh has a tighter grip on the fiscal jubliees of this City via the Quilter's complainin' about his cheapass hotel that it is unbelievable. He's like a one man tribe to our City Commission's collective Custer. It's amazing.
But it keeps getting better. Mayor Paxton asked a guy from out of town to come in and buy the Big E in from Bhupy and tear it down and build a fancy new joint. Well, he bailed out when local cashmagnate Ronnie James ponied up the bullion to build a hotel because its a well known fact that Ronnie has always wanted to play Monopoly in real life. This cat from Springfield, Missouri didn't just bail out though. He called the local HQIC of Quilt Kingdom and axed if they would like to move the quilt off to Springfield, where he owns a hotel and convention center. Ain't our mayor great? In the name of economic development he brings in an out of town vulcher who not only does not accomplish getting the Big E out of the hands of the man who's so cheap his turbin is made from a towel stolen from his own hotel, but he then tries to steal the biggest tourist attraction and money making things this one-quilt town has to offer. Can you imagine, Quilt City USA 200 and however many miles away from Springfield Missouri where the Quilt Show is! Four more years! Fuck that. That fewl shouldn't get four more hours. I mean, what in the hell.
As of today's Republican Sun Always Rises, Bhupy is allegedly turning over control of the Sleazy E to something called Space Coast Hospitality. I guess the Sleazy E is going to be run by that guy who has the talk show that wears the black mask, cape and the white suit. Spaceghost or whatever plans to convert 195 rooms near the convention center to a Crowne Plaza Hotel. That's a fancy version of a Holiday Inn. The rest of the hotel, which will be about 260 rooms, will not be fancy enough to be called Crowne Plaza, so it will be called a regular old Holiday Inn, and it will have a "proposed" water park. The service will apparently suck so it won't be called Holiday Inn Express so keep that in mind people. Remember, I'm always looking out fer ye! I'm like Ralph Nader with a computer only a lot less worried about the Corvere. Although LeCars did worry me. Hey, is Nader that stuff that chics use to get rid of hair? Get back to me on that.
It apparently is going to take a company from outter space to turn the Sleazy E into something we can all be proud of. The E is so sleazy, that it has to be made into two hotels. Its so shitty, it can only be made into 195 really nice rooms and 260 nice rooms. What is the deal with that? They don't want to throw in a little extra alien dough and make it a total Crowne Plaza? Why make the Sleazy E into two different hotels owned by the same intergalactic company? I wonder if you look of Space Coast Hospitality on the Kentucky Secretary of State website if you'll find that they are a foreign corporation originally registered out of Mars. What is a "proposed" water park? The water park has asked another water park to marry it? The water park is in the planning stage but that's it? Either you're putting it or ye ain't? Slide or get off the water park for heaven's sake!
I'll close with this, "I'm so horny, the crack of dawn better keep an eye on me." Is that great or what? I love that line. Tom Waits said that. My dad threw it out the other day when we were talking about how funny he is. Listen to the song of his called Pasties and G-String. Step Right Up is also great and has some great lines. Read the liner notes to the disc that it is on. Good stuff. My Topamax has kicked in or I'd tell you the name of the album.
....I'm just sayin'.....
But it keeps getting better. Mayor Paxton asked a guy from out of town to come in and buy the Big E in from Bhupy and tear it down and build a fancy new joint. Well, he bailed out when local cashmagnate Ronnie James ponied up the bullion to build a hotel because its a well known fact that Ronnie has always wanted to play Monopoly in real life. This cat from Springfield, Missouri didn't just bail out though. He called the local HQIC of Quilt Kingdom and axed if they would like to move the quilt off to Springfield, where he owns a hotel and convention center. Ain't our mayor great? In the name of economic development he brings in an out of town vulcher who not only does not accomplish getting the Big E out of the hands of the man who's so cheap his turbin is made from a towel stolen from his own hotel, but he then tries to steal the biggest tourist attraction and money making things this one-quilt town has to offer. Can you imagine, Quilt City USA 200 and however many miles away from Springfield Missouri where the Quilt Show is! Four more years! Fuck that. That fewl shouldn't get four more hours. I mean, what in the hell.
As of today's Republican Sun Always Rises, Bhupy is allegedly turning over control of the Sleazy E to something called Space Coast Hospitality. I guess the Sleazy E is going to be run by that guy who has the talk show that wears the black mask, cape and the white suit. Spaceghost or whatever plans to convert 195 rooms near the convention center to a Crowne Plaza Hotel. That's a fancy version of a Holiday Inn. The rest of the hotel, which will be about 260 rooms, will not be fancy enough to be called Crowne Plaza, so it will be called a regular old Holiday Inn, and it will have a "proposed" water park. The service will apparently suck so it won't be called Holiday Inn Express so keep that in mind people. Remember, I'm always looking out fer ye! I'm like Ralph Nader with a computer only a lot less worried about the Corvere. Although LeCars did worry me. Hey, is Nader that stuff that chics use to get rid of hair? Get back to me on that.
It apparently is going to take a company from outter space to turn the Sleazy E into something we can all be proud of. The E is so sleazy, that it has to be made into two hotels. Its so shitty, it can only be made into 195 really nice rooms and 260 nice rooms. What is the deal with that? They don't want to throw in a little extra alien dough and make it a total Crowne Plaza? Why make the Sleazy E into two different hotels owned by the same intergalactic company? I wonder if you look of Space Coast Hospitality on the Kentucky Secretary of State website if you'll find that they are a foreign corporation originally registered out of Mars. What is a "proposed" water park? The water park has asked another water park to marry it? The water park is in the planning stage but that's it? Either you're putting it or ye ain't? Slide or get off the water park for heaven's sake!
I'll close with this, "I'm so horny, the crack of dawn better keep an eye on me." Is that great or what? I love that line. Tom Waits said that. My dad threw it out the other day when we were talking about how funny he is. Listen to the song of his called Pasties and G-String. Step Right Up is also great and has some great lines. Read the liner notes to the disc that it is on. Good stuff. My Topamax has kicked in or I'd tell you the name of the album.
....I'm just sayin'.....
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
"Re"Investigating a murder and the James boy sees fit to buy himself another gym!
Headline in the Republican Sun Always Rises today was that the local powers that are have apparently decided to "re"investigate the death of Dr. Shemwell. I don't know whether that is reassuring or scary. I mean this cat died like over two years ago and now the powers that still currently is have finally decided to do something about it.
I'm not Creskin. I'm not Nostradamus. I never even dialed that black chick with the fake Jamaican accent named Miss Cleo before the Feds shut her down but I couldn't told you she was more fake than the third nipple on the chick you picked up at the Jersey City Tri County Fair. But anyway, my point in all this is, the article in our local rag ran the obligatory picture of Dr. Shemwell's surgically enhanced widowed Penny Baird Shemwell. Felonious shoplifter handgun big hair attorney hirin bad dye job havin chic she may be, she has not been charged with murder. However, that's all that has been insinuated by the Paducah Police Department and the McCracken County Commonwealth Attorney for the past year. Grand jury meetings and the subjects of their investigations are secret, yet when the Shemwell case was being investigated, the Sun knew it, and it was covered by them and WPSDTV. How did the media know this? There's only one source for this information. Who is that source? Who would have a vested interest in prosecuting the murderer of doctor? Who would have a vested interest in prosecuting the murderer of a doctor who stole a bunch of cash from a blue blood Paducah family? Mmmmm?
Why is Dr. Shemwell's murder just now being "reinvestigated"? How in the hell do you reinvestigate a murder? I'm pretty sure he's still dead. Do you start by recalling his family to tell them the bad news and freaking them out all over again? I doubt they'd like to be "recalled" with that news some year later as a part of your "reinvestigation". You think they drive back by his house to see if Oscar and Jane Gamble are still remodeling it? The whole concept of this story being spun as a reinvestigation a couple of years into it really plays poorly for the investigators because it makes seem like they got nowhere and had to start over from square one. I've never thought that was the case. I've always surmised they had a theory and were either waiting on a crucial piece of evidence or they had no piece of evidence conclusively linking one person to the crime and were waiting for one person to "finger" another, hence the the grand jury subpoenas and the attempts to make those fewls testify.
If you own a Solo Flex and it is near a window be careful because Jeff James will probably see you working out and bowl up into your house and make you an offer to buy you out. That fewl apparently has more cash then he knows what to dew with. I went to school with him and have always nude he had dough but I never nude he could throw it around like he was our town's version of Bill Gates. His dad is building a hotel to but the Dot not Feather owner of the Big E out of Buitness, while owning James Marine and all its subsidiaries and Jeff owns Energy Fitness and develops land and all kinds of other gear and now he swoops in and buys Baptists Family Fitness because, if you read the article, he's bored with it and wants to tear it down apprently. Kudos to you Jeff James. Good show ole boy.
....I'm just say'n......
I'm not Creskin. I'm not Nostradamus. I never even dialed that black chick with the fake Jamaican accent named Miss Cleo before the Feds shut her down but I couldn't told you she was more fake than the third nipple on the chick you picked up at the Jersey City Tri County Fair. But anyway, my point in all this is, the article in our local rag ran the obligatory picture of Dr. Shemwell's surgically enhanced widowed Penny Baird Shemwell. Felonious shoplifter handgun big hair attorney hirin bad dye job havin chic she may be, she has not been charged with murder. However, that's all that has been insinuated by the Paducah Police Department and the McCracken County Commonwealth Attorney for the past year. Grand jury meetings and the subjects of their investigations are secret, yet when the Shemwell case was being investigated, the Sun knew it, and it was covered by them and WPSDTV. How did the media know this? There's only one source for this information. Who is that source? Who would have a vested interest in prosecuting the murderer of doctor? Who would have a vested interest in prosecuting the murderer of a doctor who stole a bunch of cash from a blue blood Paducah family? Mmmmm?
Why is Dr. Shemwell's murder just now being "reinvestigated"? How in the hell do you reinvestigate a murder? I'm pretty sure he's still dead. Do you start by recalling his family to tell them the bad news and freaking them out all over again? I doubt they'd like to be "recalled" with that news some year later as a part of your "reinvestigation". You think they drive back by his house to see if Oscar and Jane Gamble are still remodeling it? The whole concept of this story being spun as a reinvestigation a couple of years into it really plays poorly for the investigators because it makes seem like they got nowhere and had to start over from square one. I've never thought that was the case. I've always surmised they had a theory and were either waiting on a crucial piece of evidence or they had no piece of evidence conclusively linking one person to the crime and were waiting for one person to "finger" another, hence the the grand jury subpoenas and the attempts to make those fewls testify.
If you own a Solo Flex and it is near a window be careful because Jeff James will probably see you working out and bowl up into your house and make you an offer to buy you out. That fewl apparently has more cash then he knows what to dew with. I went to school with him and have always nude he had dough but I never nude he could throw it around like he was our town's version of Bill Gates. His dad is building a hotel to but the Dot not Feather owner of the Big E out of Buitness, while owning James Marine and all its subsidiaries and Jeff owns Energy Fitness and develops land and all kinds of other gear and now he swoops in and buys Baptists Family Fitness because, if you read the article, he's bored with it and wants to tear it down apprently. Kudos to you Jeff James. Good show ole boy.
....I'm just say'n......
Monday, June 9, 2008
Democrats prefer biracial dudes to chics, my dad and I are going to the Bronx and steer clear of the BLT unless you have death wish!
Who would have thunk that Democrats would have came out of the elephant closet and openly admitted that they prefer seemingly bi-racial dudes with rather long Tim Burton animated-movie-like-fingers to suit-pant-wearin-serial-adulterees? Well, the 2008 Democratic Primary was an acid test for such and it turned out to be some good shit. While we're on the subject of Billary and Obama, a friend of mine claims that Obama is Muslim because his middle name is Hussein. O.K. and Harry Truman was an English teacher because his middle name was S? You're middle is simply that, a name. It's not an affiliation or association. I mean, if his name of Barack Mason of the 32nd Rite Obama or something like that I could see your point. Or, John FLDS McCain, then you've got something to worry about. Incidentilly, if indeed that is the incorrect spelling, isn't the name of that church in Texas where they stole all the kids from those unibrowed Mormon chicks also the initials of either that flower company or that feminine hygiene spray? I can't remember which? I mean, Merlin Olsen floggin flowers or somebody walking down the beach reminding me of their not feeling so fresh always comes to mind when I hear that FLDS or whatever it actually is. By the way.... have you ever seen so many chicks with buns in their hair wearing denim dresses in one place? I mean, when I saw the footage of the "compound" I thought I was watching something from Ted Turner's colorized classics or some shit. I can't believe there are people still living in the 00's that dress like that. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts there's seperate beds in each room for the husband and all his wives. Also, if you have something that is referred to as a "compound" and footage of it is ever beeing broadcast on CNN it ain't good, the feds are comin. I think that's the first step towards any type of fanaticism is refererring to your base of operations as a "compound". Whenever your quit going home and start going to the "compound", your a nut. The IRS should put that question on tax forms to start nipping some of this shit in the bud. Just put like a high school check "yes" or "no" box if you have a compound question on tax returns and then audit anyone who says they have a compound and then raid anyone who has a compound and I bet crime would decrease dramatically. Or, at the very least, the media coverage of raids of these compounds would.
But back to politics, what's the gig with not having enough experience to be president? How in the hell do you get experience to be president unless you're president? It's like saying you won't be any good at dying because you've never done it before. Well no fucking thanks. You never know if someone is going to be a good president until they get on the job. No matter what all the charts, graphs, bloodtests, farmer's almanacs and D.C. madames say, there is simply no way to know until the phewl gets the job and does it. Being V.P. isn't the same as being the main man. It's a whole separate set of responsibilities and people to lie to, including the V.P.
Teddy Kennedy had his gourd carved on. Wourd is they had to use a forklift to get that thing up on the table. Had to bring in a drill from a cole mine to burr into his noggin. I joke because I kid. I hope TK pulls through. He's fought off a bridge, a plane crash, the curse of his last name, many a venereal disease, the bottle, priests (I'm assuming) and now he's battlin' the Big C. Good luck to you Teddy. You know The Hub sent him flowers.
My wife and my momma purchased tickets for me and my pops to go see the Yankees play the Red Sox for the final series in Yankee Stadium. Yankee Stadium closes its doors after the 08 Season. My dad and I have always dreamed about going to Yankee Stadium but have never had the opportunity. We talked about planning a trip this year but never got around to it. Apparently, my wife and mother conspired to purchase tickets, airfare and a hotel room for the series which also happens to coincide with that dad's 60th birthday. My dad has been a Yankee fan for his entire career which explains why I'm a militant Yankee fan as well because they sucked for the majority of my adult life. Whereas they were great when he was growing up in the 50's, I was privy to the hey day of the likes of such Yankee "greats" as Ron Kittle, Dale Berra, Ed Whitson and Mike Pagliarulo. They weren't good til I was in college. We were given this gift for Father's Day along with two Yankee embroidered carry-on size bags. We will certainly be two hick Yankee fans traveling in style.
From what I understand, the Bronx is a demilitarized zone. I think it is all bunkers, barbed wire and people shooting at each other. I envision Escape from New York. I've got on the internet and tried to find the phone number for Snake Plisken. My mother has already warned us not to get killed and to "come back alive". An uncle of mine told us that we "couldn't get there from the airport". I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I can call one of the 55,000 plus from the game the night before and ask them how to get to the stadium?
I'm sure we'll go check out Monument Park and go look at the Stadium the first day we're there. But honestly, there are two main things about the whole trip. Number 1, my wife and mother cared enough about my dad and I to send us to a place that we both have wanted to go our entire lives that means a great deal to us that is not going to exist in another year and that is very special. Number 2, my dad and I will get to spend a lot of time together doing what we do best for what might be the last time ever with just the two of us and that is simply talking, drinking beer and watching the Yankees. At its very core, that's something that me and that idiot have always had in common and always will and because of how busy I am and because I have my own family now we don't really get a chance to do it any more and, we both understand that and, very soon, my son will be doing it with us, which is a good thing. So, this will be very very special.
WELL GODDAMN LOOK WHO WENT AND GOT ALL FUCKING STEEL MAGNOLIAS ON MY ASS! THIS BLOG SHOULD BE SPONSORED BY KLEENEX OR STAYFREE IF GETS ANY MORE WUSS FILLED! IT'S MY SOFTER SIDE THAT MAKES ME SO DESIRERABLE!
I thought killer tomatoes was just that ignorant movie from the 80's but apparently Mickey D's was so paranoid about Sal Manilla running around in their versions of the fruit that they quit floggin' em today. There's a gajillion ways to go out but if I got kilt by a fucking tomato I'd be chapped. Can you imagine waiting in line, whether it was to get into heaven or hell, and explaining to those in line with you that you got taken out by a tomato?
(railroad tie through his head)Guy #1: Hey man, what happened to you?
(ketchup on your face) You: Uh, what do mean?
Guy#1: How did you die?
You: What do you mean, die?
(holding one leg, missing half face) Girl#1: Oh, come on, what killed you dude?
(trying to wipe ketchup off face) You: Nothing killed me. I was just eating a BLT.
Guy#1: A train derailed and a tie hit me. Something happened to you. A sandwhich couldn't have killed you. What happened?
Girl#1: Yeah, well, maybe he choked on it! Did you choke on it? I was eaten by a bear.
You: (looking embarassed) I'm not dead. I don't know what you're talking about. Just leave me alone.
Condiments can kill. If you fill a condom with ketchup I wonder if that will increase the odds of birth control?
....I'm just sayin.....
But back to politics, what's the gig with not having enough experience to be president? How in the hell do you get experience to be president unless you're president? It's like saying you won't be any good at dying because you've never done it before. Well no fucking thanks. You never know if someone is going to be a good president until they get on the job. No matter what all the charts, graphs, bloodtests, farmer's almanacs and D.C. madames say, there is simply no way to know until the phewl gets the job and does it. Being V.P. isn't the same as being the main man. It's a whole separate set of responsibilities and people to lie to, including the V.P.
Teddy Kennedy had his gourd carved on. Wourd is they had to use a forklift to get that thing up on the table. Had to bring in a drill from a cole mine to burr into his noggin. I joke because I kid. I hope TK pulls through. He's fought off a bridge, a plane crash, the curse of his last name, many a venereal disease, the bottle, priests (I'm assuming) and now he's battlin' the Big C. Good luck to you Teddy. You know The Hub sent him flowers.
My wife and my momma purchased tickets for me and my pops to go see the Yankees play the Red Sox for the final series in Yankee Stadium. Yankee Stadium closes its doors after the 08 Season. My dad and I have always dreamed about going to Yankee Stadium but have never had the opportunity. We talked about planning a trip this year but never got around to it. Apparently, my wife and mother conspired to purchase tickets, airfare and a hotel room for the series which also happens to coincide with that dad's 60th birthday. My dad has been a Yankee fan for his entire career which explains why I'm a militant Yankee fan as well because they sucked for the majority of my adult life. Whereas they were great when he was growing up in the 50's, I was privy to the hey day of the likes of such Yankee "greats" as Ron Kittle, Dale Berra, Ed Whitson and Mike Pagliarulo. They weren't good til I was in college. We were given this gift for Father's Day along with two Yankee embroidered carry-on size bags. We will certainly be two hick Yankee fans traveling in style.
From what I understand, the Bronx is a demilitarized zone. I think it is all bunkers, barbed wire and people shooting at each other. I envision Escape from New York. I've got on the internet and tried to find the phone number for Snake Plisken. My mother has already warned us not to get killed and to "come back alive". An uncle of mine told us that we "couldn't get there from the airport". I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I can call one of the 55,000 plus from the game the night before and ask them how to get to the stadium?
I'm sure we'll go check out Monument Park and go look at the Stadium the first day we're there. But honestly, there are two main things about the whole trip. Number 1, my wife and mother cared enough about my dad and I to send us to a place that we both have wanted to go our entire lives that means a great deal to us that is not going to exist in another year and that is very special. Number 2, my dad and I will get to spend a lot of time together doing what we do best for what might be the last time ever with just the two of us and that is simply talking, drinking beer and watching the Yankees. At its very core, that's something that me and that idiot have always had in common and always will and because of how busy I am and because I have my own family now we don't really get a chance to do it any more and, we both understand that and, very soon, my son will be doing it with us, which is a good thing. So, this will be very very special.
WELL GODDAMN LOOK WHO WENT AND GOT ALL FUCKING STEEL MAGNOLIAS ON MY ASS! THIS BLOG SHOULD BE SPONSORED BY KLEENEX OR STAYFREE IF GETS ANY MORE WUSS FILLED! IT'S MY SOFTER SIDE THAT MAKES ME SO DESIRERABLE!
I thought killer tomatoes was just that ignorant movie from the 80's but apparently Mickey D's was so paranoid about Sal Manilla running around in their versions of the fruit that they quit floggin' em today. There's a gajillion ways to go out but if I got kilt by a fucking tomato I'd be chapped. Can you imagine waiting in line, whether it was to get into heaven or hell, and explaining to those in line with you that you got taken out by a tomato?
(railroad tie through his head)Guy #1: Hey man, what happened to you?
(ketchup on your face) You: Uh, what do mean?
Guy#1: How did you die?
You: What do you mean, die?
(holding one leg, missing half face) Girl#1: Oh, come on, what killed you dude?
(trying to wipe ketchup off face) You: Nothing killed me. I was just eating a BLT.
Guy#1: A train derailed and a tie hit me. Something happened to you. A sandwhich couldn't have killed you. What happened?
Girl#1: Yeah, well, maybe he choked on it! Did you choke on it? I was eaten by a bear.
You: (looking embarassed) I'm not dead. I don't know what you're talking about. Just leave me alone.
Condiments can kill. If you fill a condom with ketchup I wonder if that will increase the odds of birth control?
....I'm just sayin.....
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
My good friend is headed back to a general election!
This just in.......your good friend and mine, Carrol Hubbard is headed back to a general election! Yes folks, The Hub schmoozed the Democrats in the 1st District into electing him over fromer Court of Appeals Judge Rick Johnson, who runs all of his campaigns so angrily and negatively that you'd think the man had a perpetual wedgie or some sort of foreign body shoved up his ass. Say whatever you want about Carrol's lawyerin' ability, but his good friend ability, i.e. his ability to schmooze anyone he meats, i.e. his ability to remember your name, i.e. his ability to remember your name when he sees it mentioned in the paper and cut it out, laminate it and send it to you in the male, pays off politically, and you just can't buy that. My main honkey and I have already called a drunken road trip to Frankfort to see our good friend if he beats Ken Winters. I hope he does. He can't be as good a friend as Carrol. I mean, I've never met the guy and he's sure as hell never mailed me anything laminated about me from the newspaper. How can I trust that guy?
A pipe bomb was found in a storm drain by a church in Paducah? The Feds weren't involved? They used something "similar" to a shotgun to shoot off an end of the device? If its a fucking pipe bomb should you be using anything "similar" to a shotgun near it? Didn't I read an article in the Republican Sun Also Rises a few months back about how necessary the Feds were to this area and how much we needed them - never mind the subsequent article that seemed to imply most of the local FBI guy's time was spent going to the post office - but, wouldn't a pipe bomb be the jurisdiction of a federale due to the inherent dangerous nature of such a device? If we do have federales still in Paducah, which we do, namely, at least one ATF agent, wouldn't a pipe bomb, which, unless I'm mistaken, would at least qualify as an "F", get you out of the office? Not that I think the local boys can't and didn't pull it off because apparently the regularly scheduled molesting of alter boys was not interrupted by the pipe bomb fiasco. I'm just saying I was waiting to read some quote from a three lettered federally funded individual after seeing that we had ourselves a pipe bomb and I was surprised, to say the least, that one was never included. That's not to say the reporter didn't forget to ask the guy with the ATF hat and windbreaker a question or three. That very well could have happened. For all I know, the reporter thought the Church was also having problems with their phone lines and didn't think that "guy" knew anything about the pipe bomb.
So a kid got pulled in by the undertoe and drown at the riverfront. Why do they call it the "undertoe"? I never understood that. That always freaked me out as a kid. I always thought of it as some big fucking toe was coming up from underneath the water to grab me and pull me under. I believed in the theory that I was going to drown, I just didn't believe in the fact that a big toe was going to be the thing causing me to drown. I knew a big toe couldn't grab me. I mean, it would have to have some other toes there to help grab on me and it was called the "undertoes". It was a weird feeling being scared to death of drowning but not believing in "what" was going to drown you.
The Lower Town Arts Festival is this weekend. This is an interesting festival because it is the one festival that Paducah, for whatever reason, let's its proverbial guard down when it comes to swill. Usually, at a festival of any type in Paducah, if swill is allowed, it is relegated to one area or a beer pen. You have to buy tickets and consume your beverages in a "beer concentration camp" like atmosphere. Well, I guess to make you feel more inclined to spend dough on the over-priced artwork from the artists in the artist witness protection program, you can purchase swill, albeit with tickets, within the confines of the art festival, and carry your swill throughout the festival and imbibe all throughout the friendly roped off confines of the festival. It's not as if this is rocket surgery or is worthy of a patent. This is what the City should do at The Swine Fest on the River but, for whatever reason, probably all the God fearin' fanatics, they won't. So, if for no other reason, you should go to this festival just to be able to have an adult beverage and walk around a roped off area of downtown.
...I'm just sayin....
A pipe bomb was found in a storm drain by a church in Paducah? The Feds weren't involved? They used something "similar" to a shotgun to shoot off an end of the device? If its a fucking pipe bomb should you be using anything "similar" to a shotgun near it? Didn't I read an article in the Republican Sun Also Rises a few months back about how necessary the Feds were to this area and how much we needed them - never mind the subsequent article that seemed to imply most of the local FBI guy's time was spent going to the post office - but, wouldn't a pipe bomb be the jurisdiction of a federale due to the inherent dangerous nature of such a device? If we do have federales still in Paducah, which we do, namely, at least one ATF agent, wouldn't a pipe bomb, which, unless I'm mistaken, would at least qualify as an "F", get you out of the office? Not that I think the local boys can't and didn't pull it off because apparently the regularly scheduled molesting of alter boys was not interrupted by the pipe bomb fiasco. I'm just saying I was waiting to read some quote from a three lettered federally funded individual after seeing that we had ourselves a pipe bomb and I was surprised, to say the least, that one was never included. That's not to say the reporter didn't forget to ask the guy with the ATF hat and windbreaker a question or three. That very well could have happened. For all I know, the reporter thought the Church was also having problems with their phone lines and didn't think that "guy" knew anything about the pipe bomb.
So a kid got pulled in by the undertoe and drown at the riverfront. Why do they call it the "undertoe"? I never understood that. That always freaked me out as a kid. I always thought of it as some big fucking toe was coming up from underneath the water to grab me and pull me under. I believed in the theory that I was going to drown, I just didn't believe in the fact that a big toe was going to be the thing causing me to drown. I knew a big toe couldn't grab me. I mean, it would have to have some other toes there to help grab on me and it was called the "undertoes". It was a weird feeling being scared to death of drowning but not believing in "what" was going to drown you.
The Lower Town Arts Festival is this weekend. This is an interesting festival because it is the one festival that Paducah, for whatever reason, let's its proverbial guard down when it comes to swill. Usually, at a festival of any type in Paducah, if swill is allowed, it is relegated to one area or a beer pen. You have to buy tickets and consume your beverages in a "beer concentration camp" like atmosphere. Well, I guess to make you feel more inclined to spend dough on the over-priced artwork from the artists in the artist witness protection program, you can purchase swill, albeit with tickets, within the confines of the art festival, and carry your swill throughout the festival and imbibe all throughout the friendly roped off confines of the festival. It's not as if this is rocket surgery or is worthy of a patent. This is what the City should do at The Swine Fest on the River but, for whatever reason, probably all the God fearin' fanatics, they won't. So, if for no other reason, you should go to this festival just to be able to have an adult beverage and walk around a roped off area of downtown.
...I'm just sayin....
Sunday, April 27, 2008
It's a four star hotel steel cage match!
The City of Paducah is being held hostage by that biggest shitty hotel in America. You need no further proof then the latest front page article regarding the fate of The Big E that we were graced with in this morning's edition of the Republican Sun Also Rises.
Billy Bartleman informed us that Doolittle has been doing little to keep the big wig as yet un-named developer from wherever from changing his plans to buy the Big E - which is, if you believe Budhiper Singh, not for sale - tear it down and build a fancy four star joint where it sits and sprucing up the existing convention center. The City and Turkey Neck Paxton are all about this plan and offering said unnamed hotel guru more tax breaks than Wesley Snipes got in the 90's.
Up against this plan is local dough hoarder and river magnate Ronnie James who has boned up with some hotelier from somewhere's else. Ronnie has some land near the Four River's Extortion Center - that's what I call it after they nickel and dimed my wife and I for fees on every little thing they could when we chose to be received there after our wedding - and has decided to throw up a fancy hotel of his own because he believes downtown Paducah needs a fancy hotel and the river industry needs it as well. I'd say any dude who owns as many businesses as he does in this area probably has some clue about how to run a business in this area. The best thing about his plan, in my humble opinion, is he's said he's going forward with it whether Turkey Neck and the Shitty Commission offer him incentives or not. Kudos to you rich hotel builder guy!
I find all this very interesting for a multitude of reasons. The gent who own's The Big E is so goddman cheap he most likely stole the towel on his head from the Big E and he repeatedly says its not for sale. He has recently stated he's signed an agreement with - no shit I did not make this up - Spacecoast Hotels or something similar to break it down it two different hotels, condos and apartments and has had another partner in contact with city officials and it will take his willingness to SALE the freaking hole to even get the unknown and unnamed guys plan past square one, but yet, the City prefers to give incentives and dough to the out of town guy who has to have the cooperation of the uncooperative cat from California over the local guy who doesn't even want any help or money from the City. Excuse my English, but what fucking cents does this make? Not enough to buy any of value I'll tell you that.
What is this need for Turkey Neck and the City Commission to constantly being wanting to bring people in from the outside to develop our economy when, especially in this situation, we seem to have local people willing to do it right hear? I'm not saying this masked hotelier lurking in the shadows with his unlimited finances, non-rubber checks and super-wrecking ball is not a good guy and would not do a great job with his Big E project, but why in the hell is our City so hell bent for leather on going with his theory considering that a local business man who's family has started and owned a bunch of local business and brought a river of cash and employed a slew of fewls around this area is wanting to develop a hotel in downtown? Let's see, out of towner who wants dough from the City v. local guy who doesn't want dough from the City. Aren't you suppose to take care of you're own? Didn't I read that somewhere? From a purely xenophobicalogical - if that's not a word it is now - standpoint, Ronnie James should win. From a financial standpoint, he should win as well. From a commonsense standpoint he should win. Any time you can deal with your own, you should. It's not like Ronnie James owns a couple of pawnshops and is stringing his finances together by recycling cans. The dude has the dough.
I think our City Commission is so enamored with making this city seem metrosexual and like Louisville that they think bringing in "big city folk" is the only way to do it because they are more cultured or know more than the rest of us. Ronnie James' money buys just as many stars at a hotel as this other unknown guy's money does. The difference is Ronnie James' money will keep our City from spending any money because he isn't asking for any money. However, the City of course wants to bring in the guy from out of town because he's a Big City guy and will culture us all up and make things fancier down there and revitalize that area. An out of town guy is why our City's jublee's are in a vice to begin with. Mr. Singh has squeezed with precision and, as I've stated before, he has every right to because he owns that hell hole and has played those idiots to perfection. If the City had half a brain, they'd let Singh twist in the wind and get behind Ronnie James project. However, like they've shown in the past, they appoint a task force to appoint a commission to tell Doolittle to continue to tell the unnamed guy to keep trying to buy the place from Singh. They just can't help themselves.
.....I'm just sayin....
Billy Bartleman informed us that Doolittle has been doing little to keep the big wig as yet un-named developer from wherever from changing his plans to buy the Big E - which is, if you believe Budhiper Singh, not for sale - tear it down and build a fancy four star joint where it sits and sprucing up the existing convention center. The City and Turkey Neck Paxton are all about this plan and offering said unnamed hotel guru more tax breaks than Wesley Snipes got in the 90's.
Up against this plan is local dough hoarder and river magnate Ronnie James who has boned up with some hotelier from somewhere's else. Ronnie has some land near the Four River's Extortion Center - that's what I call it after they nickel and dimed my wife and I for fees on every little thing they could when we chose to be received there after our wedding - and has decided to throw up a fancy hotel of his own because he believes downtown Paducah needs a fancy hotel and the river industry needs it as well. I'd say any dude who owns as many businesses as he does in this area probably has some clue about how to run a business in this area. The best thing about his plan, in my humble opinion, is he's said he's going forward with it whether Turkey Neck and the Shitty Commission offer him incentives or not. Kudos to you rich hotel builder guy!
I find all this very interesting for a multitude of reasons. The gent who own's The Big E is so goddman cheap he most likely stole the towel on his head from the Big E and he repeatedly says its not for sale. He has recently stated he's signed an agreement with - no shit I did not make this up - Spacecoast Hotels or something similar to break it down it two different hotels, condos and apartments and has had another partner in contact with city officials and it will take his willingness to SALE the freaking hole to even get the unknown and unnamed guys plan past square one, but yet, the City prefers to give incentives and dough to the out of town guy who has to have the cooperation of the uncooperative cat from California over the local guy who doesn't even want any help or money from the City. Excuse my English, but what fucking cents does this make? Not enough to buy any of value I'll tell you that.
What is this need for Turkey Neck and the City Commission to constantly being wanting to bring people in from the outside to develop our economy when, especially in this situation, we seem to have local people willing to do it right hear? I'm not saying this masked hotelier lurking in the shadows with his unlimited finances, non-rubber checks and super-wrecking ball is not a good guy and would not do a great job with his Big E project, but why in the hell is our City so hell bent for leather on going with his theory considering that a local business man who's family has started and owned a bunch of local business and brought a river of cash and employed a slew of fewls around this area is wanting to develop a hotel in downtown? Let's see, out of towner who wants dough from the City v. local guy who doesn't want dough from the City. Aren't you suppose to take care of you're own? Didn't I read that somewhere? From a purely xenophobicalogical - if that's not a word it is now - standpoint, Ronnie James should win. From a financial standpoint, he should win as well. From a commonsense standpoint he should win. Any time you can deal with your own, you should. It's not like Ronnie James owns a couple of pawnshops and is stringing his finances together by recycling cans. The dude has the dough.
I think our City Commission is so enamored with making this city seem metrosexual and like Louisville that they think bringing in "big city folk" is the only way to do it because they are more cultured or know more than the rest of us. Ronnie James' money buys just as many stars at a hotel as this other unknown guy's money does. The difference is Ronnie James' money will keep our City from spending any money because he isn't asking for any money. However, the City of course wants to bring in the guy from out of town because he's a Big City guy and will culture us all up and make things fancier down there and revitalize that area. An out of town guy is why our City's jublee's are in a vice to begin with. Mr. Singh has squeezed with precision and, as I've stated before, he has every right to because he owns that hell hole and has played those idiots to perfection. If the City had half a brain, they'd let Singh twist in the wind and get behind Ronnie James project. However, like they've shown in the past, they appoint a task force to appoint a commission to tell Doolittle to continue to tell the unnamed guy to keep trying to buy the place from Singh. They just can't help themselves.
.....I'm just sayin....
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
They got legalized dope, whores and chicks named Ted in the Netherlands!
If you read the Republican Sun Also Rises this morning, saw its affiliated UHF version or made out with a quilter in the last 24 hours, that headline makes since to you. If none of that makes sense to you, then gargle my sack. How rude. Oh hell, I just hadn't used my dad's gift to sack related phraseology in so long I just had to work it into my act. Like cold nude buttocks on a Harley rider in October, how could I be chapped at you? Where were we?
Oh yes, legal refer, whores and chicks named Ted. If you saw the front page of the local rag this morning you would have noticed what appeared to be a dude with teets on the front of it accepting roses from a chick. Good guess but (insert Family Feud style buzzer sound hear) you'd be more Wong than your waiter at Number One Chinese Super Buffet. It was actually a picture of Ted Storm. Ted Storm is a chick's chick from the Netherlands, land of legalized cheeba, hoochies and apparently mom's who like to name their daughter's after their daddy's. Maybe her mom was dyslexic and got confused after listening to that Johnny Cash song A Boy Named Sue. In either even, the freaking dude nomer don't explain why the photo of Ted made her look like a Ted. Not to say that Ted burps and farts constantly, likes pizza four times a week and is obsessed with boobs, but judging by the photo, I'm guessing so. Ted apparently quilts a mean quilt though and that's boobs to you on that one ole girl!
But let's get back to discussing wherefrom the Man Storm came. I've always dug the theory of Amsterdam. I have a Man from Amsterdam as I like to call him, i.e. a close friend who is infatuated with the place and use to travel there once a year. And no, despite how that seems, I do not know Vincent Vega. I realize that Amsterdam is not the Netherlands per se but that is really what I think of when I think of the Netherregion. I'm married so the whores no longer apply to me but I still dig the idea that they let everyone else cut to the chase and skip right to beating around the bush, if you will. I mean, if a woman or man wants to accept cash for doing the nasty, as long as all the nastiness is consensual and amongst adults, and no gerbils are harmed, who cares? Paging Richard Gere. White courtsey phone. Richard Gere white courtesy phone. Welcome to the blog.
The dope never did anything fer me either. I just like the idea of people being able to do it if they want to. I'm not going to rule out the possiblilty of doing as the natives do if I were there, but that would be a game time decision. I guess these fewls were sitting around one day with their feet all hurting from wearing the wooden shoes and they smoked some herb, their feet felt better and they thought, this should be left alone and everyone should be allowed to do it. That's how you get to tolerance people! Clogs! Maybe, if we outfitted the City Commission with clogs, we could have package liquor sales on Sunday and we wouldn't have to stock up like you're going on a camping trip with AA members in Yomesite for week every freaking Saturday.
If clogs, which are wooden and uncomfortable, got the Dutch to tolerance, according to my obviously true and now logically proven and indisputable theory set forth above, are Crocs, which are comfortable, made of rubber and gay looking, causing all the evil in America as we know today? I have three pairs. I should be stopped. And I thought I was so open minded and tolerant.
Well, congratulations to Ms. Ted Storm on her award winning quilt. How weird does that look?
.... I'm just sayin'....
Oh yes, legal refer, whores and chicks named Ted. If you saw the front page of the local rag this morning you would have noticed what appeared to be a dude with teets on the front of it accepting roses from a chick. Good guess but (insert Family Feud style buzzer sound hear) you'd be more Wong than your waiter at Number One Chinese Super Buffet. It was actually a picture of Ted Storm. Ted Storm is a chick's chick from the Netherlands, land of legalized cheeba, hoochies and apparently mom's who like to name their daughter's after their daddy's. Maybe her mom was dyslexic and got confused after listening to that Johnny Cash song A Boy Named Sue. In either even, the freaking dude nomer don't explain why the photo of Ted made her look like a Ted. Not to say that Ted burps and farts constantly, likes pizza four times a week and is obsessed with boobs, but judging by the photo, I'm guessing so. Ted apparently quilts a mean quilt though and that's boobs to you on that one ole girl!
But let's get back to discussing wherefrom the Man Storm came. I've always dug the theory of Amsterdam. I have a Man from Amsterdam as I like to call him, i.e. a close friend who is infatuated with the place and use to travel there once a year. And no, despite how that seems, I do not know Vincent Vega. I realize that Amsterdam is not the Netherlands per se but that is really what I think of when I think of the Netherregion. I'm married so the whores no longer apply to me but I still dig the idea that they let everyone else cut to the chase and skip right to beating around the bush, if you will. I mean, if a woman or man wants to accept cash for doing the nasty, as long as all the nastiness is consensual and amongst adults, and no gerbils are harmed, who cares? Paging Richard Gere. White courtsey phone. Richard Gere white courtesy phone. Welcome to the blog.
The dope never did anything fer me either. I just like the idea of people being able to do it if they want to. I'm not going to rule out the possiblilty of doing as the natives do if I were there, but that would be a game time decision. I guess these fewls were sitting around one day with their feet all hurting from wearing the wooden shoes and they smoked some herb, their feet felt better and they thought, this should be left alone and everyone should be allowed to do it. That's how you get to tolerance people! Clogs! Maybe, if we outfitted the City Commission with clogs, we could have package liquor sales on Sunday and we wouldn't have to stock up like you're going on a camping trip with AA members in Yomesite for week every freaking Saturday.
If clogs, which are wooden and uncomfortable, got the Dutch to tolerance, according to my obviously true and now logically proven and indisputable theory set forth above, are Crocs, which are comfortable, made of rubber and gay looking, causing all the evil in America as we know today? I have three pairs. I should be stopped. And I thought I was so open minded and tolerant.
Well, congratulations to Ms. Ted Storm on her award winning quilt. How weird does that look?
.... I'm just sayin'....
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
got quilts?
It's Quilt Week people and the blue hair to red neck ratio just increased three fold. Every one way street downtown just became a two way street for the next couple of days whether the drivers being approached head on know it or not. Every restaraunt within 50 miles just began offering coupons, free yarn samples and started serving dinner at 4:00 p.m. to cater to all the blue hairs that have descended upon our fair city. It's kinda like an infestation of geezer Hell's Angels except without all the hell and a whole lot more Angel. You couldn't find a sewing kit, a DVD of Matlock or a fresh prune in this city if your life depended on it because we're getting our quilt on!
To be quite honest, there even appear to be some younger quilters. Dare I say, QUILF? I don't knowed that I'd go so far as starting a pay site all world wide webular style, but I'm just saying that all quilters ain't so old that they fart dust and think of Sam Adams as a fine president. Speaking of quilters and sex, do you think they worry about the blaket or whatever they're laying on while they're doing it? I could just see a quilter totally obsessing over whether the blanket or quilt was getting wrinkled, ripped, destoryed or somehow damaged during sex and ruining it for the other person. You know they Rainman out over the idea of stains.
What's the deal with the guys you see walking around downtown during quilt week? Are these quilter prisoners of war? QPOW's? How could a normal dude stand this type of shit? I mean, from what I understand, the quilt museum does not have a swill or liquor license and I don't see any of these guys carrying beers or drinks around so, well, there is no so, explain yourself? Maybe they hand out xanax, lortab or oxycontin or something to these guys when they walk in because I can't for the life of me imagine how a straight man could stand to walk around all day and look at quilts, yarn, string, different colors of string, yarn, quilts, and shit no matter how much I love my wife UNLESS I was drinking during entire proces. If I was drinking AND taking pills while doing it, I would fucking be quilting before it was over.
I saw what appeared two be either two twin quilters or two lesbian quilters today. They were both wearing the same patch work, pastel colored jacket with name tags on the front. They were walking in step, at sort of a high rate of speed. I think they may have even had matching denim shorts on. Come to think about it, they may have been quilt Nazi's. I'm not sure. Is there such a thing as the Quilt Gestapo? I mean, I didn't see them roughing up anyone for possessing a shawl or anything but they did seem to have some sort of quilt related agenda that seemed to have a tinge of nefariousness.
Now, if Buhdipher Singh really is going to change the Big E into the 8 or 9 hotels that he said he is going to by next year's quilt off, maybe he'll show some good faith by wearing a quilted turbine or whatever. I think that would be a good gesture to the people of Paducah.
...I'm just sayin.....
To be quite honest, there even appear to be some younger quilters. Dare I say, QUILF? I don't knowed that I'd go so far as starting a pay site all world wide webular style, but I'm just saying that all quilters ain't so old that they fart dust and think of Sam Adams as a fine president. Speaking of quilters and sex, do you think they worry about the blaket or whatever they're laying on while they're doing it? I could just see a quilter totally obsessing over whether the blanket or quilt was getting wrinkled, ripped, destoryed or somehow damaged during sex and ruining it for the other person. You know they Rainman out over the idea of stains.
What's the deal with the guys you see walking around downtown during quilt week? Are these quilter prisoners of war? QPOW's? How could a normal dude stand this type of shit? I mean, from what I understand, the quilt museum does not have a swill or liquor license and I don't see any of these guys carrying beers or drinks around so, well, there is no so, explain yourself? Maybe they hand out xanax, lortab or oxycontin or something to these guys when they walk in because I can't for the life of me imagine how a straight man could stand to walk around all day and look at quilts, yarn, string, different colors of string, yarn, quilts, and shit no matter how much I love my wife UNLESS I was drinking during entire proces. If I was drinking AND taking pills while doing it, I would fucking be quilting before it was over.
I saw what appeared two be either two twin quilters or two lesbian quilters today. They were both wearing the same patch work, pastel colored jacket with name tags on the front. They were walking in step, at sort of a high rate of speed. I think they may have even had matching denim shorts on. Come to think about it, they may have been quilt Nazi's. I'm not sure. Is there such a thing as the Quilt Gestapo? I mean, I didn't see them roughing up anyone for possessing a shawl or anything but they did seem to have some sort of quilt related agenda that seemed to have a tinge of nefariousness.
Now, if Buhdipher Singh really is going to change the Big E into the 8 or 9 hotels that he said he is going to by next year's quilt off, maybe he'll show some good faith by wearing a quilted turbine or whatever. I think that would be a good gesture to the people of Paducah.
...I'm just sayin.....
Friday, April 18, 2008
If the house is a rockin', don't bother knockin' cause that's just the New Madrid Fault sayin' "Hello" so come on in!
Just when you thought insomnia and a penchant for not being able to let thoughts about your work go would never pay off, your house starts shaking at 4:40 a.m.ish and it all pays off. Of course, that didn't make the previous two hours of me tossing and turning and rolling myself up in the sheets like a joint worth while, but the last twenty minits have been fun.
Here's the thing that been's funnest. For all its Breaking Weather bullshit, it took WPSDTV a little less than 10 minutes to get something on the air declaring a quake o the earth had occurred. Now, tell me if I'm Wong here, but wouldn't an ---- THIS JUST IN... AT 5:00 ON THE DOT THEY STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT. 5.4 ON THE RICHTER SCALE ---- earthquake be breaking news because they are very rare and they literally break shit? They spent every bit of 4 minutes max on the earthquake. Now, if it has been snowing or, there had been a thunderstorm, the majority of the newscast would have been devoted to coverage of such a monumental event. But something as pesky as little 5.4 magnitude earthquake isn't breaking enough. Wait a minute, they did add a rather nifty graphic showing the earthquake on their fancy weather map. But's its gone now. It's been broken over by news of other weather. Apparrently it's going to rain.
The best way to describe the earthquake would be like the shaking of my love handles when I run down a flight of stairs. Or maybe its like how you shake the shit out of your kid when they do something wrong......, er, uh, .... forget that example. Butt seriously, like a Sir Mixalot video, it shook my wife's house like Jello-O. It was really weird because I was sitting hear on the couch trying to be quiet in my non-being able to sleepness. I had the t.v. down very low and was contemplating trying to trick myself into attempting to sleep again and then, out of nowhere, I felt like a pair of double DD's at trampoline camp. My wife immediately came out the room and diagnosed the situation. I thought it was some type of strong wind. Then, realizing that (A) she's smarter than me (B) she's always write and (C) we don't live in a trailer, I concurred with her diagnosis and sent off the appropriate paperwork so we could be reimbursed accordingly.
What do you do after an earthquake? Do you run out into the streets screaming? I thought about it. It sort of seemed appropriate. I thought that I had saw that on a movie somewhere but I decided against it since my wife calmly took a pull from a Diet Sun Drop and went back to bed with our son. Do you start looting and pillaging? I could use a Rolex but the correlation between earthquake and breaking into Michelson's seems tenuous. Maybe there are some books or websites that you can find that tell you what to do after you lived through such a traumatic event as this. I'm sure #1 on the list is look down where your walking and don't step into any cracks. That's the first thing I'm going to look for. Aren't you always suppose to have bottled water and a first aid kit handy to survive an earthquake? How did I make through? Should I go buy that stuff now in case Sheriff Hayden or somebody comes by to check?
Maybe I should write a book about how to survive earthquakes. Step 1. Lay on a couch with a blanket, preferably some type of crocheted action. Step 2. Have a laptop computer and wireless internet. Step 3. Remain Calm. Step 4. Listen to and do what your wife says. Step. 5. Always remember 4. That's a freaking bestseller if I've ever seen it. I should get my own earthquake survival show like that saucy Bear Grylls dude on Discovery Channel who use to be in the English special forces. Have you seen this cat? They drop him off in some god awful joint with the clothes on his limey back and a knife and he lives off the land for a week and shows you how to survive. Basically, he finds an excuse in every espisode to drink his own pee but he's a cool dude. The bastard is fearless and eats things that would make a billygoat reach for the Pepto. Anyway, I could have like a weekly series where I traveled around to known fault regions and tested my survivability by laying on a couch in each region with my computer. I mean, I might have to try different types of blankets and there would be no guarantees that I would have internet access, or that my wife would even let me go. It could be very dangerous. I think I know what the cable viewing public need. My fat ass on a couch with a laptop and blanket in different parts of the world, for thirty minutes, weekly. Oh yeah. I haven't seen this much potential since New Coke or the Le Car.
Well, I'm pretty sure martial law is not going to be called into effect. Birds are singing. The sun is still coming up. According to picture I just saw on Channel Six, Superman still showed up for work today in Metropolis. We're going to be all write. Just look down where you're walking and don't step into any cracks.
I can't stand it. WPSDTV has just named it the "Illinios Earthquake". I'm guessing that's because its epcotcenter was in Illinois. That may be the technical earthquakeologist way to go about naming your children, so to speak, but, since it shook my wife's abode in KY, and I'm claiming this hear quake as my own. Let's be a little more patriotic about our earthquakes around these parts by God! SUPPORT OUR QUAKES! I swear to Jesus I may print up bumper stickers that say such. I have truly just discovered that sometimes being tired is just as crazy as being drunk. Thank you. The 4:30 a.m. show is completely different from the 6:00 a.m. show. Tip your waitress.
....I'm just sayin.....
Here's the thing that been's funnest. For all its Breaking Weather bullshit, it took WPSDTV a little less than 10 minutes to get something on the air declaring a quake o the earth had occurred. Now, tell me if I'm Wong here, but wouldn't an ---- THIS JUST IN... AT 5:00 ON THE DOT THEY STARTED TALKING ABOUT IT. 5.4 ON THE RICHTER SCALE ---- earthquake be breaking news because they are very rare and they literally break shit? They spent every bit of 4 minutes max on the earthquake. Now, if it has been snowing or, there had been a thunderstorm, the majority of the newscast would have been devoted to coverage of such a monumental event. But something as pesky as little 5.4 magnitude earthquake isn't breaking enough. Wait a minute, they did add a rather nifty graphic showing the earthquake on their fancy weather map. But's its gone now. It's been broken over by news of other weather. Apparrently it's going to rain.
The best way to describe the earthquake would be like the shaking of my love handles when I run down a flight of stairs. Or maybe its like how you shake the shit out of your kid when they do something wrong......, er, uh, .... forget that example. Butt seriously, like a Sir Mixalot video, it shook my wife's house like Jello-O. It was really weird because I was sitting hear on the couch trying to be quiet in my non-being able to sleepness. I had the t.v. down very low and was contemplating trying to trick myself into attempting to sleep again and then, out of nowhere, I felt like a pair of double DD's at trampoline camp. My wife immediately came out the room and diagnosed the situation. I thought it was some type of strong wind. Then, realizing that (A) she's smarter than me (B) she's always write and (C) we don't live in a trailer, I concurred with her diagnosis and sent off the appropriate paperwork so we could be reimbursed accordingly.
What do you do after an earthquake? Do you run out into the streets screaming? I thought about it. It sort of seemed appropriate. I thought that I had saw that on a movie somewhere but I decided against it since my wife calmly took a pull from a Diet Sun Drop and went back to bed with our son. Do you start looting and pillaging? I could use a Rolex but the correlation between earthquake and breaking into Michelson's seems tenuous. Maybe there are some books or websites that you can find that tell you what to do after you lived through such a traumatic event as this. I'm sure #1 on the list is look down where your walking and don't step into any cracks. That's the first thing I'm going to look for. Aren't you always suppose to have bottled water and a first aid kit handy to survive an earthquake? How did I make through? Should I go buy that stuff now in case Sheriff Hayden or somebody comes by to check?
Maybe I should write a book about how to survive earthquakes. Step 1. Lay on a couch with a blanket, preferably some type of crocheted action. Step 2. Have a laptop computer and wireless internet. Step 3. Remain Calm. Step 4. Listen to and do what your wife says. Step. 5. Always remember 4. That's a freaking bestseller if I've ever seen it. I should get my own earthquake survival show like that saucy Bear Grylls dude on Discovery Channel who use to be in the English special forces. Have you seen this cat? They drop him off in some god awful joint with the clothes on his limey back and a knife and he lives off the land for a week and shows you how to survive. Basically, he finds an excuse in every espisode to drink his own pee but he's a cool dude. The bastard is fearless and eats things that would make a billygoat reach for the Pepto. Anyway, I could have like a weekly series where I traveled around to known fault regions and tested my survivability by laying on a couch in each region with my computer. I mean, I might have to try different types of blankets and there would be no guarantees that I would have internet access, or that my wife would even let me go. It could be very dangerous. I think I know what the cable viewing public need. My fat ass on a couch with a laptop and blanket in different parts of the world, for thirty minutes, weekly. Oh yeah. I haven't seen this much potential since New Coke or the Le Car.
Well, I'm pretty sure martial law is not going to be called into effect. Birds are singing. The sun is still coming up. According to picture I just saw on Channel Six, Superman still showed up for work today in Metropolis. We're going to be all write. Just look down where you're walking and don't step into any cracks.
I can't stand it. WPSDTV has just named it the "Illinios Earthquake". I'm guessing that's because its epcotcenter was in Illinois. That may be the technical earthquakeologist way to go about naming your children, so to speak, but, since it shook my wife's abode in KY, and I'm claiming this hear quake as my own. Let's be a little more patriotic about our earthquakes around these parts by God! SUPPORT OUR QUAKES! I swear to Jesus I may print up bumper stickers that say such. I have truly just discovered that sometimes being tired is just as crazy as being drunk. Thank you. The 4:30 a.m. show is completely different from the 6:00 a.m. show. Tip your waitress.
....I'm just sayin.....
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Chief Bratton is a Jerk, Weather's a breakin' and we all need to get the fu#* over it!
The local talk radio station has been doing an in depth series on the Paducah City Police Chief's alleged ineptitude where they interview present and past officers about his failures as both a leader and an officer. This is interesting on several levels.
First, it's interesting because he's still the acting chief o' police and some of the officers that have casted asparagus in his general direction may face some form of retribution. Second, one part of the story highlights the now famed incident in which the chief attempted to enter an apartment by breaking a window with the grip of his Glock which apparently ulitmately led to it's magazine falling out and maybe a round falling out. To be clear, no rounds were fired. Third, the chief has recently applied for another chief job in a different city and it is interesting that all of this that has been known for longer than Methusala's address has just now come out on the radio.
So what is going on? We've got ourselves a good ole fashion contradiciton peoples. It's like high school. When I was a senior, I was popular. I had a hot girlfriend but I wanted to hook up with other chicks. I tried to do the honorable thing by breaking up with her and being single so I could date other chicks but then I thought about her dating other guys getting their hands on her boobies and I couldn't stand it. I didn't break up with her and decided to cheat on her. I want to play with her boobies and all the others on the side too. That is what is going on hear. The Paducah City Police Officers don't like Chief Bratton. They hate his goofy ass. They think he has been too harsh on them. However, the minute he applies for another job, its like they don't want him to leave and they start trash talking him so he can't. You think those cats where ever he's applying are going to hire him if they see that this local radio station is running a series on how much his men hate him? Is that a normal occurrence for police chiefs? I mean, if you really wanted him gone, you'd write him letters of recommendation. You'd say he was freaking Walker Texas Ranger. By the way, if you get on www. wkyxwngo's website and look at Bratton's picture, does it look like you should see a link to some kind of registry where it tells you either what he did and how far he has to live from schools or, at the very least, when he got his comestology license? Seriously. That smile is so cheezy and strained it looks like he brushed his teeth with gouda.
Look, I don't pretend to know nuthin bout the beef in that department because I ain't never strapped on no piece and ever risked my tired ass life for money day in day out. But the cats I know and respect that do don't like him. I'm taking their side. That's good enuff for me. I still think they should lie and kiss his ass to get rid of him though. Promotion is the best policy to get rid of dumbasses. See a lot of our local politicians. If you look at their years of expeirence prior to their first elected position you'll see more free air space than then no fly zone over Iraq. Fill in the blank with some of the last local pols you voted for or your superiors. Keeping the same job you got with no experience only means you have expeirence at that job by the way. It doesn't mean you have experience doing anything else.
Does it take a freakin' 5 part series to know he's a jerk and the cops don't like him? I mean damn? Is that a series worthy subject? They should have called it "Chief Bratton:Dickilicious". Who doesn't know this stuff? I could should have been four parts: two balls, one shaft and one head. I don't think Bratton tries to be nature's answer to pickled bologna on purpose, I just think he's got his style and he's in charge and that's the way he is going to run the show. For whatever that is worth, you have to respect that as long as he's in charge.
I was watching the 6 O'Clock news and the cat next to chick with the skunk stripe said tonight was a good night to practice your "breaking weather drills". Breaking weather drills? WTF is that? Turning on the t.v., looking out the window, making sure a tornado is not coming directly at your house and turning it off? The local media in this town is obessed with the weather to the point that it is amazing. I can't imagine trying to convince someone in my immediate family or household that we had to do "drills" based off the weather. Like snowflake jumping jacks or some shit. Stop, drop and rolling to the fridge to get another beer might work but that is as far as I'm going to take it.
....I'm just sayin......
First, it's interesting because he's still the acting chief o' police and some of the officers that have casted asparagus in his general direction may face some form of retribution. Second, one part of the story highlights the now famed incident in which the chief attempted to enter an apartment by breaking a window with the grip of his Glock which apparently ulitmately led to it's magazine falling out and maybe a round falling out. To be clear, no rounds were fired. Third, the chief has recently applied for another chief job in a different city and it is interesting that all of this that has been known for longer than Methusala's address has just now come out on the radio.
So what is going on? We've got ourselves a good ole fashion contradiciton peoples. It's like high school. When I was a senior, I was popular. I had a hot girlfriend but I wanted to hook up with other chicks. I tried to do the honorable thing by breaking up with her and being single so I could date other chicks but then I thought about her dating other guys getting their hands on her boobies and I couldn't stand it. I didn't break up with her and decided to cheat on her. I want to play with her boobies and all the others on the side too. That is what is going on hear. The Paducah City Police Officers don't like Chief Bratton. They hate his goofy ass. They think he has been too harsh on them. However, the minute he applies for another job, its like they don't want him to leave and they start trash talking him so he can't. You think those cats where ever he's applying are going to hire him if they see that this local radio station is running a series on how much his men hate him? Is that a normal occurrence for police chiefs? I mean, if you really wanted him gone, you'd write him letters of recommendation. You'd say he was freaking Walker Texas Ranger. By the way, if you get on www. wkyxwngo's website and look at Bratton's picture, does it look like you should see a link to some kind of registry where it tells you either what he did and how far he has to live from schools or, at the very least, when he got his comestology license? Seriously. That smile is so cheezy and strained it looks like he brushed his teeth with gouda.
Look, I don't pretend to know nuthin bout the beef in that department because I ain't never strapped on no piece and ever risked my tired ass life for money day in day out. But the cats I know and respect that do don't like him. I'm taking their side. That's good enuff for me. I still think they should lie and kiss his ass to get rid of him though. Promotion is the best policy to get rid of dumbasses. See a lot of our local politicians. If you look at their years of expeirence prior to their first elected position you'll see more free air space than then no fly zone over Iraq. Fill in the blank with some of the last local pols you voted for or your superiors. Keeping the same job you got with no experience only means you have expeirence at that job by the way. It doesn't mean you have experience doing anything else.
Does it take a freakin' 5 part series to know he's a jerk and the cops don't like him? I mean damn? Is that a series worthy subject? They should have called it "Chief Bratton:Dickilicious". Who doesn't know this stuff? I could should have been four parts: two balls, one shaft and one head. I don't think Bratton tries to be nature's answer to pickled bologna on purpose, I just think he's got his style and he's in charge and that's the way he is going to run the show. For whatever that is worth, you have to respect that as long as he's in charge.
I was watching the 6 O'Clock news and the cat next to chick with the skunk stripe said tonight was a good night to practice your "breaking weather drills". Breaking weather drills? WTF is that? Turning on the t.v., looking out the window, making sure a tornado is not coming directly at your house and turning it off? The local media in this town is obessed with the weather to the point that it is amazing. I can't imagine trying to convince someone in my immediate family or household that we had to do "drills" based off the weather. Like snowflake jumping jacks or some shit. Stop, drop and rolling to the fridge to get another beer might work but that is as far as I'm going to take it.
....I'm just sayin......
Thursday, April 3, 2008
The McCracken Physical Court should open up a soccer bank and just get it over with!
On Wednesday, there was a followup in the Republican Sun Always rises about an ongoing story where the McCracken County Physical Court has hemhawed around the idea of giving a company that makes fuel out dirt or something else biodegradeable - cue Dr. Evil clip -$1 million dollars. Apparrently, County Judge Executive VanLooneyberry (CJEVLB) has previously indicated he's all about shelling out the county's duckett's to a private company a la private bank style as long as the county gets some decent juice. Some of the other County Commissioners must have expressed some trepidation at getting into the loan sharking buitness because they asked the county attorney's office to issue an opinion on whether or not a county can shark loans.
Then, being ever trustful of the man who said to give Steve Doolittle his money and then sued Steve Doolittle for taking it, when Boaz's office said they thought the County could shark loans, another commissioner asked them to consult the hottest inexperienced elected official Kentucky has ever seen Attorney General Jack Conway. All of this caused enough concern that the Republican Sun Also Rises wrote an editorial stating the obvious that the Physical Court needed to stay out of the loan sharking buitness. The even funnier part about all of this is, allegedly, one of the men that would be getting and/or having control over this dough to be degrable to fuels has a felony drug record longer than the director's cut of Gahndi. Apparrently, the Physical Court's loan application ain't to in depth.
In today's edition of the local rag, CJEVLB is hemhawing around with the Physical Court on where to put a soccer complex. It's either going to put next to private sports plex or near I-24. The decision where to put this soccer complex has been being "decided on" since Bo and Hope were wearing diapers and being plotted against by a collicky Steffano in a maternity ward in Salem. It seems like the Physical Court or the Shitty Commission can't do anything without studying something, appointing a freaking task force or hiring a consultant to tell them what anyone with the proverbial lick of commonsense or gonards to make a tough call could do. In the time that it has taken them to decide where to put this soccer complex I'm sure that there are some kids that have forgotten that they even wanted to play soccer. It's a good thing we apparrently don't have that many hardcore soccer fans in Paducah because, if we did, a drunken gang of soccer houligans would have already bumrushed the doors of one of these goofy wee-girl meetin's and solved this problem.
To compromise, I think the Physical Court should just open a Soccer Bank Complex. It would be the best of both worlds and you could probably even find one consultant to head one task force to tell you how to do it.
....I'm just sayin.....
Then, being ever trustful of the man who said to give Steve Doolittle his money and then sued Steve Doolittle for taking it, when Boaz's office said they thought the County could shark loans, another commissioner asked them to consult the hottest inexperienced elected official Kentucky has ever seen Attorney General Jack Conway. All of this caused enough concern that the Republican Sun Also Rises wrote an editorial stating the obvious that the Physical Court needed to stay out of the loan sharking buitness. The even funnier part about all of this is, allegedly, one of the men that would be getting and/or having control over this dough to be degrable to fuels has a felony drug record longer than the director's cut of Gahndi. Apparrently, the Physical Court's loan application ain't to in depth.
In today's edition of the local rag, CJEVLB is hemhawing around with the Physical Court on where to put a soccer complex. It's either going to put next to private sports plex or near I-24. The decision where to put this soccer complex has been being "decided on" since Bo and Hope were wearing diapers and being plotted against by a collicky Steffano in a maternity ward in Salem. It seems like the Physical Court or the Shitty Commission can't do anything without studying something, appointing a freaking task force or hiring a consultant to tell them what anyone with the proverbial lick of commonsense or gonards to make a tough call could do. In the time that it has taken them to decide where to put this soccer complex I'm sure that there are some kids that have forgotten that they even wanted to play soccer. It's a good thing we apparrently don't have that many hardcore soccer fans in Paducah because, if we did, a drunken gang of soccer houligans would have already bumrushed the doors of one of these goofy wee-girl meetin's and solved this problem.
To compromise, I think the Physical Court should just open a Soccer Bank Complex. It would be the best of both worlds and you could probably even find one consultant to head one task force to tell you how to do it.
....I'm just sayin.....
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Paducah: A local scandal every 30 minutes or your next pizza is free!
If you weren't from hear you probably haven't heard about the goofy local bullshit that you hear about when you live hear. Oh yeah, I not only thought that, but I typed it.
What I mint to say was, thank you to Tommy O. Just when you thought the saga that is the - cue the hopefully non-copyrighted music in your head - Pain Management Law School fiasco jamboree had come to some kind of non-denominational wholesale foreclosure type settlement (all those words just sounded fun thrown together), the freaking interim dean, some sort of fractional dean and an indentured servant or something all resign in protest over Tommy O's running of the joint and his pacific lack of infusion of cash. Interestingly enough, since Dr. Manchikanti purchased the majority of the stock, no one has complained of a lack of Lortabs or chronic back pain. According to the letters of resignation however, creditors have been complaining of a lack of cash being flogged there way. Allegedly, the water to the library was even cutoff.
Tommy O's prescription for this recent round of turmoil was a news conference in which he announced that a cat named Putt from TX would be coming up in June to possibly take over if the students wanted him to. This guy was going to continue to putz around in TX until June because he's dean or owner or both of a law school down there and has obligations until then. Also, the name of the school was changed to the Alben W. Barkley School of Law on the theory that the law school hasn't brought enough embarrassment to the City of Paducah so far and it might was well try to take down it's most famous and successful politician by naming it after him. I mean I don't think the City Commission would have fell for Tommy O naming it the Land Grab and Local Government Incentive Based School of Law. I fucking swear, those guys that Tommy O sued in federal court for this school have gotten shirts that said, "The City of Paducah gave me a bunch of land for nothing, I started a law school, got sued in federal court and all I got was this shirt" as a part of the settlement.
Let's recap. You're school is in complete disarray and the people you brought in to class up the joint when you took over quit a mere month or so into your tenure. They say bad things about you in their letters of resignation and email them to all the students that have hung around. You then ride in on your white horse to introduce the savior that will, bear with you, show up in 3 months. You tell them that you'll be getting the money necessary to run the school very soon and its all just paperwork issues with the loan provider out of New York. You then change the name of the school.
I didn't see the footage of the press conference or any pictures but did Tommy O have an IV or any noticeable tubes coming from him while he talked? Was Dr. Stuffed Pasta standing near him or did he ever appear to have recently injected or gassed him before he said any of this shit? I'm asking because these are the types of statements that are similar to those that I have made under the influence of prescription medications and/or after being brained.
I have no idea who the Putt guy or what his qualifications are. All I know is that (A) he is in TX; (B) he can't come til June; (C) this ain't TX; and (D) March is two months prior to June. So is it going to just continue to be pure uncut legal hell out there until June? I mean is this guy like the Wyatt Earp of law schools or something? I get the impression that it is like that movie Lean On Me out there except for law schools.
How in hell do you sue someone in federal court, successfully win that lawsuit and then take over a fucking law school without already having the necessary funds in place to run it? That's like begging a woman for sex and then, when she says yes, deciding to masturbate. You can't buy a car without either having all the cash up front or having financing pre-approved. I just can't believe that if children really are our future there are no forms for pre-approving financing when purchasing or taking over a school. Is Whiteny Houston a liar? Crazy crack addict sure, but liar? You can buy a car for as little as a dollar a day on the Southside but Tommy O can't come up with the forms or the $$$ to run the law school he successfully sued for ownership over in federal court? Something just don't jive with the whole "we're getting the money it's just been a paperwork issue" story.
Next plan to save the day, change the name! Maybe no one will remember that the school has had all these problems and that my interim staff just resigned and the school will suddenly become an esteemed center of higher education if I name it after a local political big wig! Can't you just see Jon Lovitz' character that told all the lies on SNL and always said "Yeah, that's the ticket" coming up with this one. I'm not even going to sit hear and say that I don't think the American Justice School of Law wasn't cheesier than hell, but I think I'd be focusing on a little more important things like paying the goddamn bills, making sure I had students to attend my school and getting accredited before I got all hung up in trying to latch onto to some fake sense of credibility by humping the leg of the ghost of a local legend.
And now for something seemingly completely different yet somewhat related.....the Big E still ain't fer sale because Mr. Singh ain't losin' enough money to make him sell! What? Mr. Singh and another Mr. Singh - who may or may know each other - gave an interview to a reporter for the Republican Sun Always Rises this week in which they essentially stated that were happy with owning the Big E. They knew the property was worth a lot of cash and that they had no interest in selling UNLESS the price was right. Well come on down City Commission.....
Singh has probably put some cash into restoring the vintage 70's porno deco style theme of the hotel but you can find most of that stuff for cheap on pornbay. And, as I've stated on numerous occassions before, who cares if he does or does not fix up that lego lookin' monstrosity? Sure it would be better for the City and everyone if he did, but, you know what, he owns it and can do whatever the hell he wants with it. I don't see anyone bitching at whoever owns that building downtown that looks like a three year old plastered it with tiles from a gay man's Scrabble game. The tile looking things are pastel colors and there is no business open in the building. There are all kinds of other buildings that look like hell downtown that have problems but the Shitty Commission isn't on the backs of those owners.
So who is the Big E valuable to? No one except the City of Paducah, quilters and the yearly influx of psychic fair attendees. Of course, they knew that before I even wrote it. Or did they know I wrote this before I ever knew that? Anyway...the hotel itself is not what is valuable, it's the land. Singh has them by the moutain oysters. I bet he got the idea to buy the joint by hearing about how riled up the Commission got when one of its own task forces recommended tearing the thing down. You remember that years ago? Turkey Neck and the Then Shitty Commission paid dough to some guy to study what to do with downtown and he suggested tearing down the joint to build a new hotel. When he suggested that at a meeting, Turkey Neck got all offended. Now, however many years later, that is what the City wants to do. I'll bet dinars to doughnuts that Singh saw that somehow and that's how he got involved. How else would he end up in Paducah?
In either event, the City will try to condemn the property, litigation will insue or they will pay him major duckets for it. In any event, Mr. Singh is going to get his $$$ for the biggest shitty hotel in America. Smart guy. Seems like he and Tommy O share the same theories on running a joint don't they? Maybe they could move the law school to the Big E. Each student could have their own personal classroom. It'd be the only law school in the country with a bar and all you could eat weekend Prime Rib Buffet. I like it.
....I'm just sayin.....
What I mint to say was, thank you to Tommy O. Just when you thought the saga that is the - cue the hopefully non-copyrighted music in your head - Pain Management Law School fiasco jamboree had come to some kind of non-denominational wholesale foreclosure type settlement (all those words just sounded fun thrown together), the freaking interim dean, some sort of fractional dean and an indentured servant or something all resign in protest over Tommy O's running of the joint and his pacific lack of infusion of cash. Interestingly enough, since Dr. Manchikanti purchased the majority of the stock, no one has complained of a lack of Lortabs or chronic back pain. According to the letters of resignation however, creditors have been complaining of a lack of cash being flogged there way. Allegedly, the water to the library was even cutoff.
Tommy O's prescription for this recent round of turmoil was a news conference in which he announced that a cat named Putt from TX would be coming up in June to possibly take over if the students wanted him to. This guy was going to continue to putz around in TX until June because he's dean or owner or both of a law school down there and has obligations until then. Also, the name of the school was changed to the Alben W. Barkley School of Law on the theory that the law school hasn't brought enough embarrassment to the City of Paducah so far and it might was well try to take down it's most famous and successful politician by naming it after him. I mean I don't think the City Commission would have fell for Tommy O naming it the Land Grab and Local Government Incentive Based School of Law. I fucking swear, those guys that Tommy O sued in federal court for this school have gotten shirts that said, "The City of Paducah gave me a bunch of land for nothing, I started a law school, got sued in federal court and all I got was this shirt" as a part of the settlement.
Let's recap. You're school is in complete disarray and the people you brought in to class up the joint when you took over quit a mere month or so into your tenure. They say bad things about you in their letters of resignation and email them to all the students that have hung around. You then ride in on your white horse to introduce the savior that will, bear with you, show up in 3 months. You tell them that you'll be getting the money necessary to run the school very soon and its all just paperwork issues with the loan provider out of New York. You then change the name of the school.
I didn't see the footage of the press conference or any pictures but did Tommy O have an IV or any noticeable tubes coming from him while he talked? Was Dr. Stuffed Pasta standing near him or did he ever appear to have recently injected or gassed him before he said any of this shit? I'm asking because these are the types of statements that are similar to those that I have made under the influence of prescription medications and/or after being brained.
I have no idea who the Putt guy or what his qualifications are. All I know is that (A) he is in TX; (B) he can't come til June; (C) this ain't TX; and (D) March is two months prior to June. So is it going to just continue to be pure uncut legal hell out there until June? I mean is this guy like the Wyatt Earp of law schools or something? I get the impression that it is like that movie Lean On Me out there except for law schools.
How in hell do you sue someone in federal court, successfully win that lawsuit and then take over a fucking law school without already having the necessary funds in place to run it? That's like begging a woman for sex and then, when she says yes, deciding to masturbate. You can't buy a car without either having all the cash up front or having financing pre-approved. I just can't believe that if children really are our future there are no forms for pre-approving financing when purchasing or taking over a school. Is Whiteny Houston a liar? Crazy crack addict sure, but liar? You can buy a car for as little as a dollar a day on the Southside but Tommy O can't come up with the forms or the $$$ to run the law school he successfully sued for ownership over in federal court? Something just don't jive with the whole "we're getting the money it's just been a paperwork issue" story.
Next plan to save the day, change the name! Maybe no one will remember that the school has had all these problems and that my interim staff just resigned and the school will suddenly become an esteemed center of higher education if I name it after a local political big wig! Can't you just see Jon Lovitz' character that told all the lies on SNL and always said "Yeah, that's the ticket" coming up with this one. I'm not even going to sit hear and say that I don't think the American Justice School of Law wasn't cheesier than hell, but I think I'd be focusing on a little more important things like paying the goddamn bills, making sure I had students to attend my school and getting accredited before I got all hung up in trying to latch onto to some fake sense of credibility by humping the leg of the ghost of a local legend.
And now for something seemingly completely different yet somewhat related.....the Big E still ain't fer sale because Mr. Singh ain't losin' enough money to make him sell! What? Mr. Singh and another Mr. Singh - who may or may know each other - gave an interview to a reporter for the Republican Sun Always Rises this week in which they essentially stated that were happy with owning the Big E. They knew the property was worth a lot of cash and that they had no interest in selling UNLESS the price was right. Well come on down City Commission.....
Singh has probably put some cash into restoring the vintage 70's porno deco style theme of the hotel but you can find most of that stuff for cheap on pornbay. And, as I've stated on numerous occassions before, who cares if he does or does not fix up that lego lookin' monstrosity? Sure it would be better for the City and everyone if he did, but, you know what, he owns it and can do whatever the hell he wants with it. I don't see anyone bitching at whoever owns that building downtown that looks like a three year old plastered it with tiles from a gay man's Scrabble game. The tile looking things are pastel colors and there is no business open in the building. There are all kinds of other buildings that look like hell downtown that have problems but the Shitty Commission isn't on the backs of those owners.
So who is the Big E valuable to? No one except the City of Paducah, quilters and the yearly influx of psychic fair attendees. Of course, they knew that before I even wrote it. Or did they know I wrote this before I ever knew that? Anyway...the hotel itself is not what is valuable, it's the land. Singh has them by the moutain oysters. I bet he got the idea to buy the joint by hearing about how riled up the Commission got when one of its own task forces recommended tearing the thing down. You remember that years ago? Turkey Neck and the Then Shitty Commission paid dough to some guy to study what to do with downtown and he suggested tearing down the joint to build a new hotel. When he suggested that at a meeting, Turkey Neck got all offended. Now, however many years later, that is what the City wants to do. I'll bet dinars to doughnuts that Singh saw that somehow and that's how he got involved. How else would he end up in Paducah?
In either event, the City will try to condemn the property, litigation will insue or they will pay him major duckets for it. In any event, Mr. Singh is going to get his $$$ for the biggest shitty hotel in America. Smart guy. Seems like he and Tommy O share the same theories on running a joint don't they? Maybe they could move the law school to the Big E. Each student could have their own personal classroom. It'd be the only law school in the country with a bar and all you could eat weekend Prime Rib Buffet. I like it.
....I'm just sayin.....
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