I hope he ain't lyin' bout the dyin'!

Recently, a shriveled-up and be-speckled old coot in Illinois has started to share his memories of the late 70's and 80's with the police. While you can normally get away from a geezer druing story time by offering up a refill of prune juice, asking "Is it time to take your pills?," or accusing them of farting, the police are'nt employing any of these tried and true methods. They are intersted in this dude because he was apparently rather adept a killing folks and getting away with it. So much so in fact, he even qualifies as one of them thar cereal killers. I don't know if he passed a test, has some kind of membership card with "frequency" points or what, but the local rag has labled him as such so I'm going to make an ass out of ewe and me by figgerin' they knowed the legality on the use of such a term.

In either event, The Frosted Flaker has recently admitted to killing someone in our fair city during the Disco Era. There was no cause for pause originally because (a) 1979 happened; (b) a person was murdered hear that year and (c) the murderer got away. CASE SOLVED! There now is pausing for the causing because Honey Blood & Guts (as opposed to Honey Bunches of Oats or whatever it is) owned up to a killin' in the first year of I Love the 80's that has turned out to be more fake than Pamela Anderson's last (a) set of boobs or (b) marriage (That's something new I decided to try. A little interactive reader humor. You choose the punchline that you find funniest. It's a little way that I can give back to you. Tear.).

Now, I'm not tryin to pee in anyone's Wheaties. I don't know if The Sugar Smacks Slasher really killed that poor Paducah woman or not. The officer involved is, in my humble Smore's cereal prefering opinion, a good cop. I just find it interesting when any law dawgs jump up to defend the credibility of a cereal killer immediately upon it being called into question. Clearly, you have to believe the one guy that GAVE you ALL the EVIDENCE that you have. I mean, if the guy that GAVE you all the EVIDENCE is LYING, then what kind of evidence do you have? It's almost as if they're saying, "How can you not believe this guy, he's a serial killer?"

None of this will amount to a hill of Cheerios because the Special K Killer will jump at the chance to plead guilty and get some more publicity out of all this. I just hope he really did it and he didn't have some other way to come up with enough details to fake his frosted confession. Like say, I don't know, by watching an espisode of Maury Povich or something. Because the family of the poor woman who was killed deserves to know who killed her. I hope this asshole did it for their sake and, if that is the case, that he gets an extra turn on the hell rotissierrie spit for it.

I'm just sayin.......