Geezers Unite: Vote McCain!

Like a blue-hair still standing in line at 5:00 p.m., old, pissed-off and crotchety is apparently the way the political wind is a blowin' if yesterdee's pole results were any indication. John McCain's angry ass won the Florida primary and is now the front runner to get the Republican nomination. I guess Methusuala was too conservative to run? Strom Thurmond still too dead to run one more time?

Rudy Guliani - who may or may not be Mr. Bowler Hat from Meet The Robinsons - finally turned in his last can of Daper Dan hair cream and lisped himself a speech that couldn't have been more concession in nature if he'd been simultaneously floggin' hotdogs and nachos. He officially threw in his American Flag designed towel today.

John Edwards decided he was going to take his good looks and sex it up elsewhere. Quite frankly, the level of ass on this campaign was well below his standards and he'd had enough. Losing to other politicians is one thing, but losing to other uglier politicians is another unbearable thing all together. I mean, Obama ain't ugly but he couldn't charm the panties off a nun like my boy J.E. Admittedly, Hillary does give in to that guy fantasy thing of letting her man be with other women, but, short of that, a fifth of grain alcohol and your favorite mantab (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) ain't much happenin' in the Marvin' Gaye department if you know what I'm layin'.

NBC announced this week that Law & Order would be back next season but the Fred Thompson campaign was being cancelled for low ratings. Apparently, voters found the plot line of a real-life attorney who became a real-life actor who played the president in movies who ran for president in real life unbelieveable.

If Ron Paul were any more write I think he'd get .5% of the vote which is 50% more then he's getting now and I'm a freaking liberal democrat! Oh yeah, I said it! And while I'm at it, vote Eric Youngblood for Paducah City Commission in '08!

Mitt Romney. That's like the name of a Disney movie about a poor kid's baseball glove that save's the big game in the World Series isn't it? No, wait a minit, it's the name of the mainstream religious guy who's worked his ass off for everything he's ever gotten and is just like the rest of us working slobs and knows where we are coming from, right? Wrong guy? What? Are you sure? He's that galactic millionaire Mormom guy straight from the Tabernacle who was governor of Massachusetts and has changed his positions on the issues so much that some people call him the Porn Star of Politics? I could care less about the Mormon thing. If he wants to drink salt water, sing with a choir, wear a suit and ride a bike I could care less. That does not bother me. I just can't dig the whole complete flip flopping on the issues. For abortion one year, against it the next. It's not a tax exemption you get biannually in a divorce settlement. You either believe in it or you don't. It's your opinion. Changing it because you're going to run for President is weak.

Obama. It's almost like you were surprised as you were about to say the name of a certain Southern state. Seems like an allright guy to me. The general knock on him seems to be he doesn't have enough experience. All those movies Reagan was in were the right amount of experience for voters in the 80's, but that didn't work for Fred Thompson in 08'. Weird. Point is, experience doesn't matter. Do the people smell what you're steppin in? If the answer is yes, then you two can be El Presidente. Obviously, the 800 pound bean pie in the room is the fact that Obama is black. That is the true question. Can a majority of American's vote for a black man for president? We will never have a better Ebony v. Ivory election than if it is Obama v. McCain.

Then you've got you're Hillary. You either love her or hate her. With Wild Bill, you either loved him or hated him as president, but it seems as though everyone loved him as a person because he is charismatic beyond belief and fun loving by all accounts. With Hillary, its a love or hate type feeling with her personally. Of the people I encounter its 50/50. Interestingly enough, much like my fear of mayonnaise, guacamole, sour cream and cream cheese, most people cannot articulate a rationale basis for their hatred of Hillary. If you ever ask someone why they hate her, notice how they'll say, "Oh, I hate her because she, we'll Hillary, well, she..., Bill was sleeping with all those women and that just was not right and .......", they trail off. Or they'll come up with health care. OK people. She had a dumb idea. So what. I rolled my jeans up for years. Should people not hire me? They either want to throw that one big debacle at her or attribute Bill's wandering penis to her. My theory is this: If she and Bill have some agreement that he can dork every other chic they meat, that's they're gig. I don't care. My recollection of the Clinton years was that they were purty sweet. The economy was good. People were happier. The stock market was up. We weren't on the verge of a recession. Ass was less than a buck a barrel. It was fabulous!

I'm just sayin'.......