Democrats prefer biracial dudes to chics, my dad and I are going to the Bronx and steer clear of the BLT unless you have death wish!

Who would have thunk that Democrats would have came out of the elephant closet and openly admitted that they prefer seemingly bi-racial dudes with rather long Tim Burton animated-movie-like-fingers to suit-pant-wearin-serial-adulterees? Well, the 2008 Democratic Primary was an acid test for such and it turned out to be some good shit. While we're on the subject of Billary and Obama, a friend of mine claims that Obama is Muslim because his middle name is Hussein. O.K. and Harry Truman was an English teacher because his middle name was S? You're middle is simply that, a name. It's not an affiliation or association. I mean, if his name of Barack Mason of the 32nd Rite Obama or something like that I could see your point. Or, John FLDS McCain, then you've got something to worry about. Incidentilly, if indeed that is the incorrect spelling, isn't the name of that church in Texas where they stole all the kids from those unibrowed Mormon chicks also the initials of either that flower company or that feminine hygiene spray? I can't remember which? I mean, Merlin Olsen floggin flowers or somebody walking down the beach reminding me of their not feeling so fresh always comes to mind when I hear that FLDS or whatever it actually is. By the way.... have you ever seen so many chicks with buns in their hair wearing denim dresses in one place? I mean, when I saw the footage of the "compound" I thought I was watching something from Ted Turner's colorized classics or some shit. I can't believe there are people still living in the 00's that dress like that. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts there's seperate beds in each room for the husband and all his wives. Also, if you have something that is referred to as a "compound" and footage of it is ever beeing broadcast on CNN it ain't good, the feds are comin. I think that's the first step towards any type of fanaticism is refererring to your base of operations as a "compound". Whenever your quit going home and start going to the "compound", your a nut. The IRS should put that question on tax forms to start nipping some of this shit in the bud. Just put like a high school check "yes" or "no" box if you have a compound question on tax returns and then audit anyone who says they have a compound and then raid anyone who has a compound and I bet crime would decrease dramatically. Or, at the very least, the media coverage of raids of these compounds would.

But back to politics, what's the gig with not having enough experience to be president? How in the hell do you get experience to be president unless you're president? It's like saying you won't be any good at dying because you've never done it before. Well no fucking thanks. You never know if someone is going to be a good president until they get on the job. No matter what all the charts, graphs, bloodtests, farmer's almanacs and D.C. madames say, there is simply no way to know until the phewl gets the job and does it. Being V.P. isn't the same as being the main man. It's a whole separate set of responsibilities and people to lie to, including the V.P.

Teddy Kennedy had his gourd carved on. Wourd is they had to use a forklift to get that thing up on the table. Had to bring in a drill from a cole mine to burr into his noggin. I joke because I kid. I hope TK pulls through. He's fought off a bridge, a plane crash, the curse of his last name, many a venereal disease, the bottle, priests (I'm assuming) and now he's battlin' the Big C. Good luck to you Teddy. You know The Hub sent him flowers.

My wife and my momma purchased tickets for me and my pops to go see the Yankees play the Red Sox for the final series in Yankee Stadium. Yankee Stadium closes its doors after the 08 Season. My dad and I have always dreamed about going to Yankee Stadium but have never had the opportunity. We talked about planning a trip this year but never got around to it. Apparently, my wife and mother conspired to purchase tickets, airfare and a hotel room for the series which also happens to coincide with that dad's 60th birthday. My dad has been a Yankee fan for his entire career which explains why I'm a militant Yankee fan as well because they sucked for the majority of my adult life. Whereas they were great when he was growing up in the 50's, I was privy to the hey day of the likes of such Yankee "greats" as Ron Kittle, Dale Berra, Ed Whitson and Mike Pagliarulo. They weren't good til I was in college. We were given this gift for Father's Day along with two Yankee embroidered carry-on size bags. We will certainly be two hick Yankee fans traveling in style.

From what I understand, the Bronx is a demilitarized zone. I think it is all bunkers, barbed wire and people shooting at each other. I envision Escape from New York. I've got on the internet and tried to find the phone number for Snake Plisken. My mother has already warned us not to get killed and to "come back alive". An uncle of mine told us that we "couldn't get there from the airport". I'm not sure what that means. Maybe I can call one of the 55,000 plus from the game the night before and ask them how to get to the stadium?

I'm sure we'll go check out Monument Park and go look at the Stadium the first day we're there. But honestly, there are two main things about the whole trip. Number 1, my wife and mother cared enough about my dad and I to send us to a place that we both have wanted to go our entire lives that means a great deal to us that is not going to exist in another year and that is very special. Number 2, my dad and I will get to spend a lot of time together doing what we do best for what might be the last time ever with just the two of us and that is simply talking, drinking beer and watching the Yankees. At its very core, that's something that me and that idiot have always had in common and always will and because of how busy I am and because I have my own family now we don't really get a chance to do it any more and, we both understand that and, very soon, my son will be doing it with us, which is a good thing. So, this will be very very special.

WELL GODDAMN LOOK WHO WENT AND GOT ALL FUCKING STEEL MAGNOLIAS ON MY ASS! THIS BLOG SHOULD BE SPONSORED BY KLEENEX OR STAYFREE IF GETS ANY MORE WUSS FILLED! IT'S MY SOFTER SIDE THAT MAKES ME SO DESIRERABLE!

I thought killer tomatoes was just that ignorant movie from the 80's but apparently Mickey D's was so paranoid about Sal Manilla running around in their versions of the fruit that they quit floggin' em today. There's a gajillion ways to go out but if I got kilt by a fucking tomato I'd be chapped. Can you imagine waiting in line, whether it was to get into heaven or hell, and explaining to those in line with you that you got taken out by a tomato?

(railroad tie through his head)Guy #1: Hey man, what happened to you?
(ketchup on your face) You: Uh, what do mean?
Guy#1: How did you die?
You: What do you mean, die?
(holding one leg, missing half face) Girl#1: Oh, come on, what killed you dude?
(trying to wipe ketchup off face) You: Nothing killed me. I was just eating a BLT.
Guy#1: A train derailed and a tie hit me. Something happened to you. A sandwhich couldn't have killed you. What happened?
Girl#1: Yeah, well, maybe he choked on it! Did you choke on it? I was eaten by a bear.
You: (looking embarassed) I'm not dead. I don't know what you're talking about. Just leave me alone.

Condiments can kill. If you fill a condom with ketchup I wonder if that will increase the odds of birth control?

....I'm just sayin.....