F YOUK! Is what a shirt that I bought outside Yankee Stadium says. If you don't know what that means you probably have never been cussed or have never cussed anyone. And, on a secondary level, you apparently don't understand the Boston Red Sox v. Yankees rivalry. Kevin Youklis is the catcher for the Red Sox. Fuck is a cuss word. Y O U is yourself. Put it together. Get it? The shirt is a ringer T, so to speak, white with a red collar and red cuffs. Pretty tasty. It's written in gothic kind of writing to class up the innuendo of the whole scenario as if the F-Bomb could be classed up. I guess that's why they went with a ringer T as opposed to just a normal T cause that wouldn't have done it justice.
The Bronx is a fucking hell whole. Rougher than your butt whole after eating brillo covered corn. There are bags of trash piled up on the side of the street. There was a brand new tire on the sidewalk near our hotel. Sure, it was like a new spare tire for LeCar, but it was a new tire nonetheless. They had a store in one of the neighborhood's we walked through going to the Stadium called "Kennedy's Fried Chicken and Pizza". Who do you think that was a rip off of? I was surprised the goateed's one's peep's hadn't been down to this joint and sprayed a fucking restraining order on the front of his metal protector things. It was even a pink color and was similar to the Colonel in style. If the motherfucker had boneless slice of pizza I would have felt a need to turn the son of a bitch in myself as a Kentuckian but, alas, it was 9:30 a.m. and there was a 1:00 p.m start and I needed a beer and I had a couple of more blocks to walk.
We're staying a place a mile from Yankee Stadium and the cab ride back the first night was $30 bucks. No shit. How ridiculous. The guy running our hotel told us it was safe to walk during the day but not at night. We walked the first day. Cabbed the night back. The Yankees lost that night. Second night the Yankees lost. Got their ass kicked. As we were leaving, the first cabbie we approached offered us a ride for $50. We politely told him to kiss our ass. The second cabbie acted like he had never heard of the Howard Johnson Inn @ Yankee Stadium, which would be akin to saying you had never heard of the that big shitty hotel they will never start renovating for the quilt fest in Paducah. While he stuttered around and acted like he had never heard of the joint to come up with an astronomical price to quote us, we walked off and decided - in our anger over seeing our team get their ass kicked again for the second consecutive night - to brave the gauntlet and to walk back to our prison like hotel . My dad and I quickly came up with a system. If anyone approached us, we would ask no questions, we would simply kick their fucking ass. It was his 60th birthday and we were going to put everything the Nuns taught him during his Catholic School beatings to use.
We walked past the new Yankee Stadium and down the incredibly broken up sidewalk and past the projects. Projects doesn't really seem like the right word because it seems like a word describing where families alllegedly live should give some kind of hope and, if you could see these places, you would say the only things they projected was fear and poverty. I swear they should have had an endless track of Pelvis' song In The Ghetto playing in the Bronx. At the very leasty they should have had Cartman from Southpark singing it. Whoever wrote that song must have been talking about that fucking joint. I mean, that place was so poor, I could see people playing poker with Spam up in that motherfucker. Anyway, we passed a closed Chinese restaraunt that I do have a picture of called Dong King. No shit. The first day I saw it, I thought it was something owned by the big, finger-in-the-socket-do-having-boxing promoter guy. But no. It's a closed down Chinese food joint that seemingly would have attracted a lot of size queens. Werd.
Back to us walking through the Valley of Darkness. There were several encounters with people that looked at us funny but they pretty much just let us pass. Some of them said "Fuck the Yankees". We never had to bow up. We stopped in a convenient store. It was actually a Quick Market but it was convenient to us. We bought some 24 ounce swills in bottles to drink when we got back to our prison and for protection. As my dad said, "If you ginged someone in the coconut with a 24, you get the double pleasure of seeing them hit the ground and still getting to drink the beer. Always carry an opener." Adrenaline and a taste for the drink are quite a powerful thing when combined in more than moderation. When you run through the jungle, run with more than two 24's as we always say.
As dangerous as it is here, there is a fucking police station right next to our hotel! No shit! The BXTF is right next door! When I saw BXTF I expected fucking Aquaman to show up or someone on a fancy bike to jump a ramp and do a flip or something and give me a ticket for not putting my hair gel in a goddman ziplock bag. BXTF sounds impressive. Cops are everywhere near Yankee Stadium. Sure, the hog presence is kewl but you still definitely feel that just outside in this general vinicinity lurks some unruliness that could be untamed into your ass being finagled at any minute if you were put in the wong sityashun if you weren't careful, i.e. drank to many swills at the game and did not keep your shit together.
Mixed drinks cost $10.50 at Yankee Stadium. Is there some kind of liquor tax in NY that I'm unaware of? Did some Indians throw whiskey into the fucking Hudson river that the federal government is still trying to tax us back for? How in the hell does a drink go from $2.75 to $10.50 from KY to NY? I mean I realize there is a lot of real estate between there and hear (remember I'm writing hear, not there [there meaning KY] ) but how in the wholly hell can there be that big of a fucking difference in the price of a goddamn gurgle burger between the lines? You know the government is so worried about the price of health care, minimum wage laws, social security and the war in Iraq when they should be looking at the price of swill in New York. Fuck the price of gas. Look at how much a drinks costs up in this trailer! I want a Senate Commission with Ted Kenneday appointed. I bet that fewl will be all about investigating some of this shit. He'll be hands on as a motherfucker. There will be a bunch of "fact finding" "on sight" inspections into many of the city's watering holes to see why such inflated prices are being inflicted on "interstate commerce participants". You could almost afford to drive from NYC to Paducah for the difference in the price of gas. Fat Moe's should maybe start to advertise in the the New York Times. Just an idea.
Barak is giving a purty good speech write now. You know what is funny about him? One of the criticisms about him is that he is too eloquent. How in the wholly fuck can you be too eloquent? Can you explain something too well? Can you understand something too well? For instance, can you write too much of a right answer on an essay exam? I mean that is one of that dumbest fucking things - much less a criticism of someone I've ever fucking heard. That's like saying he's too smart or his dick is too big. Yeah, those are both problems any man wouldn't want to have. The Republican Party is fucking stretching to come up with some way to come up with something to say about Obama other than calling him the N word. That's the fucking truth. They can't do it. That son of a bitch is smart. He's intelligent. He has good idea's. He's the political Pepsi to their Coke and he has them freaked out and George W's eight years of mis Q's have set him up for a victory.
HOWEVER, Angry Johnny McCain and galactically rich beer distributing wife is making up ground. He is in a dead heat with BO. It's BO v. JM. We've got to stop the rich honkey without the clue as to how many houses he owns (see recent response to question from the media) from continuing this hell we've endured since the end of the tenure of the end of the fat blow job getting cat from Arkansas from winning the election.
Let's get something else out in the open. Who gives a fuck that John McCain is a war hero! I mean, I do in terms of what he did for the country because he deserves praise for that and we, as a country should always be grateful, but that does not mean he should be president. He won medals for that shit. He gets a fucking pension. He was paid and continues to get paid for that. He is an American hero. No doubt about that. Custer was a great American. That didn't mean he should have been President. It is this simple. If you want another 4 years of GWB vote for John McCain. If you want our equivalent of Custer to be President, vote forMcCain.
......I'm just sayin'........
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