I've been gone longer than a 10 inch hard on with Alzheimer's!

I've been busier than a beaver running a brothel lately. I must be horny because that's a helluva of a lot of sex references in the first two lines of my return to blogging. Maybe I should got blog myself before I continue writing to get over it and clear my mind since my wife is running errands. I wonder if I'm the first person ever to substitute the word blog for mastrubation? Can that be trademarked? And now to leave you wondering whether I followed through on that previous threat.......

Well childrens, a lot has happened since I last speculated on any local hypotenuses with you. Sure that stick-skinny mulatto is running for head honcho in charge (I chose those werds carefully) against that shorty stumpy angry former POW - incidentily every time I see that typed when talking about him I think I've been thrown into one of the 60's episodes of Batman. He should run ads "Golly gee willicurs, you've got to vote for McCain America. He's a veteran. POW!". - who wants to keep us in Iraq until the camels come home, but, on a local level all kinds of shiite has transgressed. Paducah Police Chief Randy Bratton quit after all his underlings gave him a vote of no confidence. Interestingly enough, all of them who had previously bitched that he had been too harsh voted they had no confidence in him because they said he had recently become too soft on people. Flacidity is another word I just thought up if it hadn't been already. Everyone straighten out your index finger and slowly bring it down. You get the point. After six or seven years His Hardness apparently went softer than the 80 year old at the pharmacy past closing begging for an advance on his Levitra script. I have no idear whether that is true or not, I just find it nuts that all those cats publicly stated they found him to be too soft. I would have just stuck with the whole he is a dick theory. I guess it doesn't matter in the end because apparently the City Commission was going to actually ball-up and fire His Hardness otherwise he would not have resigned without having antoher job already in place. How do you know he didn't have another job already in place and was going to be fired? Like all other City/County good ole boy shady "resignations" that should really be firings in this town he got a severance package. His Hardness got something like 6 months pay for bolting. I think the terms were something along the lines of 1. Do no work. 2. Leave Paducah. 3. Answer the phone if we call to ask you if you've left Paducah. 4. If someone ask you if you're a "consultant" to the Paducah Police Department or the City Commission, say "yes". Then, even though he was usurped by his own men and the only fewls in the whole mix that liked him were Turkey Neck Paxton and Zumwalt, they gave His Hardness a going away gala at City Hall! My sources have not told me what the attendance was like but I'm sure it was sparse.

As for finding his heir apparent, what did the City Commission do? Yep, you guessed it! They hired someone to help them hire someone! Nothing says competence like admitting you have no idea who is qualified to run your City's Police Department! They immediatly decided that the guys that told them His Hardness was no longer the man and should be told to hit the road were not good enough. Seems strange since those guys apparently had enough sway to push the City Commission to put the screws to His Hardnes. See Above. I have no clue why our City Commission always has this fucking desire to be metrosexual and hire someone to tell them what to do or go outside of our local ranks to find someone to do something when we may have people write here that can do the job. I find it hard to believe that Danny Carroll couldn't run the Paducah Police Dept. but they didn't even give him a chance. They immediately decided to look elsewhere. Then, when looking for an "interim chief" Turkey Neck wanted to hire someone other than who the rest of the Commission wanted to hire - former Asst. Chief Sandy Joselyn - and when she got the job he told her he wanted someone else. What the fuck is that? Why say that shit? She got the job and he's slighting her to her face because his candidate didn't get it. Seems the guys I know at the PD are cool with her as interim chief. Turkey Neck is a nut. That was just straight up classlessness.

Brian Furgeuson was burglarizin more houses than Santa Claus except he was takin shit except leaving presents. He kept getting away and a manhunt was on for like three days. He was breakin news like crazy. The funniest part of the story is, when he was eventually caught, he was in......GRAVES COUNTY! No, weight, that wasn't the punch line. Oh, I forgot. The most amazing part of the story was, when he was caught in Graves County - that much was true - he was caught in the back of local Amish scofflaw Jacob Geingrich's buggy going at a very low rate of speed without a fucking triangle warning symbol! Ole JG apparently was playing an Amish non-showering fruitcake barn-building version of Al Cowlings to Furguson's non-murdering yet still very dangerous honkey fugitive O.J. JG - as I've taken to calling him - is one of the members of that miltant (I just call it that) Amish sect (I added that too) in Graves County that refuse to display the flourescent triangle on their buggies because it is a wordly symbol and it violates their beliefs. In the Republican Sun Also Rises, he said his version of OJ came out of a field and was dirty and asked for a ride. He was riding down the rode, looked down at his copy of the paper, saw his picture and realized he had Ferguson in the back. He then motioned to police he was in the back and Ferguson gave up. What I'm wondering is, why were the police so close to JG? I've got this visual of the police like driving really slow behind JG's buggy following him as if they were just waiting to pull him over for the no triangle display thing and they lucked into this. I guess they were looking for Ferguson in the neighborhood. What I also don't get is how a newspaper couldn't also be considered "too wordly" if a triangle symbol on your buggy would be? I mean hell, the Republican Sun Also Rises exposes you to crazy shit like all those chiropractor adds talking about "spine-med therapy", those infertility ads with the osterich with the head in the sand and their editorial page. That's nuttier than an Amish fruitcake. The stuff in the paper could send an good ole Amish Boy like JG astray. I'm worried about him. Constantly breaking the law. Always in court. Hanging out with riff raff like Brian Ferguson. Someone needs to talk to him. He needs an Amish intervention.

Finally, did you seen Ferguson's picture in the paper this week when they ran a story about the additional charges he's now facing in McCracken County? I mean, he ain't a bad looking guy, but I swear whoever the jailer was who took that picture let him pose. He was turned slightly sideways, his head was cocked to the left, he had gel in his hair, a white shirt on and he had this half smirk on his face. The picture was also taken farther away then a normal mug shot, he was slightly bent over, but you could still see the markers showing how tall he was in the background. It looked like a memeber of a boyband got arrested. It was looked like the cover of an album called "N'SYNC 5 TO 10". If you can get on goole and or the Republican Sun Also Rises and look it up, I highly recommend it. It's a great picture. It is from this past week. Great stuff.

Well, the wife is hear and I've got to unload groceries. I'll get back at ye later hopefully to keep at this. Werd.

...I'm just sayin....