Rumor had it, that my son was a cute blonde version of Rain Man. Nah, he didn't have to watch Wapner at specifics time or dance with hot hispanic women in swanky hotel rooms. He just didn't talk much. According to Dr. Sulu's book, he was behind in his linguistical stylings and needed therapy. Not really a lisp nurse, cause it wasn't a spittle retention issue. He had Charley Chaplin Syndrome. The boy just didn't say his peace, so to speak.
Well, we got him hooked up through some "suckling from the state teet" program with a speech pathologist. It was slow at first. He seemed to dig showing her all his toys more than he did actually talking to her. Then, more recently, something changed. The boy, now deuce and quater anos old, started talking.
Now, if you're at our hoose, don't be surprised if you see a spherical object of some nature come flying directly at your crotch after seeing the most beautiful swing a two-year old future New York Yankee could display and hearing what can only be described as a mix between a "Stars Wars-bar-scene" dialect with a touch of a drunk Scottsman's "r" rolling. It truly is a sound to hear.
You hear it and you don't know if the dog just caught some type of varmit or if a cd skipped. There's also the occasional high pitched squeal involved, just in case you missed your weekly test of the emergency services gig that always seems to show up just when whatever you're watching just got good.
Some randomness....
What does it say about your county if they agree to (a) eliminate a guy's position early so as to insure that he doesn't get fired by another incoming cat (b) give him a severance package and then (c) claim it was illegal and (d) sue not only the poor guy they agreed to give the money to but themselves? Has anyone ever seen a situation in which an attorney sues his own client on the grounds that an action they took - which he advised them to take under the law - was illegal? I don't think this type of b.s. would have flown on the Practice. If a writer has proposed this as the plot to an episode of L.A. Law, he would have been told his was L.A. Wrong and had his privileges revoked. This is the type of action that makes Paducah great. Whereas the local government and charity groups claim it only occurs for three day in September, clearly is Swine Fest transpires year round when it comes to local political schinanigans. Without the intent of offending anyone, this whole situation should spawn a new term, Chief Paduke Giving. Who really knows what the gentleman with the poorly worded name for government work actually ever did but, one thing is for certain, he sure as hell didn't force anyone to 86 his job early and then give him a chunk of dough to ride off into the sunset. In the words of Mike Tyson, its ludicrisp.
O.K., the City needs to make their alleged payroll take hike permanent because they need the cash. Why not use all the moolah they apparently had laying around to by the Big E? Attempting to justify a continued tax increase when you attempted to buy a rundown, 70's porn set decorated hotel for millions of dough - or roughly 3 Euro - several months earlier is like trying to convince Steven Segal to lay off the doughnuts, hair product and the use of the phrase "Hard to..." in his movie titles. Much like expecting a pudgy, WD 40'd haired kung fu master who's now merely hard to take - as oppossed to be hard to kill or handle - to lay off his forumla for success, no one wants to be told they need to keep siphoning benjamins from their own checks when the same fewls that voted to keep the funnel going were just recently trying to get into the hotel buitness.
Is Nancy Grace as chapped as she looks acts or does the camera just add 10 pounds of angry?
There's actually a program on Channel Six right now - no, not the Channel 6 that's actually on Channel 5 that breaks wind, weather and news - entitled "The Price of Porn." Bob Barker is no where to be found. This is not pay per view. Her life was apparently ruined because she caught her husband - her second, which was formerly her attorney that handled her first divorce - looking at porn. She was a former Playboy model and porn viewing freaked her out. Look, if porn has any influence on your life, you need to get less of a grip (snicker) and go on about your normal daily life. All nurses do not want to sleep with you. Mailmen aren't there to give you a "special delivery". You don't get involved in threesomes by making the proper eye contact in the produce isle at the grocery store. Porn teaches you several things: you're not that good in the rack, all members of the opposite sex don't always want to do the nasty and, simply because you hear bad instrumental music suddenly playing in the background, it doesn't mean you should start stripping. Because, if you do, next thing you know, you'll be nude at an oldies bar hoping the thermostat is turned up.
I'm just sayin.....
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
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1 comment:
Too funny! I especially like the local politics commentary.
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