got quilts?

It's Quilt Week people and the blue hair to red neck ratio just increased three fold. Every one way street downtown just became a two way street for the next couple of days whether the drivers being approached head on know it or not. Every restaraunt within 50 miles just began offering coupons, free yarn samples and started serving dinner at 4:00 p.m. to cater to all the blue hairs that have descended upon our fair city. It's kinda like an infestation of geezer Hell's Angels except without all the hell and a whole lot more Angel. You couldn't find a sewing kit, a DVD of Matlock or a fresh prune in this city if your life depended on it because we're getting our quilt on!

To be quite honest, there even appear to be some younger quilters. Dare I say, QUILF? I don't knowed that I'd go so far as starting a pay site all world wide webular style, but I'm just saying that all quilters ain't so old that they fart dust and think of Sam Adams as a fine president. Speaking of quilters and sex, do you think they worry about the blaket or whatever they're laying on while they're doing it? I could just see a quilter totally obsessing over whether the blanket or quilt was getting wrinkled, ripped, destoryed or somehow damaged during sex and ruining it for the other person. You know they Rainman out over the idea of stains.

What's the deal with the guys you see walking around downtown during quilt week? Are these quilter prisoners of war? QPOW's? How could a normal dude stand this type of shit? I mean, from what I understand, the quilt museum does not have a swill or liquor license and I don't see any of these guys carrying beers or drinks around so, well, there is no so, explain yourself? Maybe they hand out xanax, lortab or oxycontin or something to these guys when they walk in because I can't for the life of me imagine how a straight man could stand to walk around all day and look at quilts, yarn, string, different colors of string, yarn, quilts, and shit no matter how much I love my wife UNLESS I was drinking during entire proces. If I was drinking AND taking pills while doing it, I would fucking be quilting before it was over.

I saw what appeared two be either two twin quilters or two lesbian quilters today. They were both wearing the same patch work, pastel colored jacket with name tags on the front. They were walking in step, at sort of a high rate of speed. I think they may have even had matching denim shorts on. Come to think about it, they may have been quilt Nazi's. I'm not sure. Is there such a thing as the Quilt Gestapo? I mean, I didn't see them roughing up anyone for possessing a shawl or anything but they did seem to have some sort of quilt related agenda that seemed to have a tinge of nefariousness.

Now, if Buhdipher Singh really is going to change the Big E into the 8 or 9 hotels that he said he is going to by next year's quilt off, maybe he'll show some good faith by wearing a quilted turbine or whatever. I think that would be a good gesture to the people of Paducah.

...I'm just sayin.....