If you read the Republican Sun Also Rises this morning, saw its affiliated UHF version or made out with a quilter in the last 24 hours, that headline makes since to you. If none of that makes sense to you, then gargle my sack. How rude. Oh hell, I just hadn't used my dad's gift to sack related phraseology in so long I just had to work it into my act. Like cold nude buttocks on a Harley rider in October, how could I be chapped at you? Where were we?
Oh yes, legal refer, whores and chicks named Ted. If you saw the front page of the local rag this morning you would have noticed what appeared to be a dude with teets on the front of it accepting roses from a chick. Good guess but (insert Family Feud style buzzer sound hear) you'd be more Wong than your waiter at Number One Chinese Super Buffet. It was actually a picture of Ted Storm. Ted Storm is a chick's chick from the Netherlands, land of legalized cheeba, hoochies and apparently mom's who like to name their daughter's after their daddy's. Maybe her mom was dyslexic and got confused after listening to that Johnny Cash song A Boy Named Sue. In either even, the freaking dude nomer don't explain why the photo of Ted made her look like a Ted. Not to say that Ted burps and farts constantly, likes pizza four times a week and is obsessed with boobs, but judging by the photo, I'm guessing so. Ted apparently quilts a mean quilt though and that's boobs to you on that one ole girl!
But let's get back to discussing wherefrom the Man Storm came. I've always dug the theory of Amsterdam. I have a Man from Amsterdam as I like to call him, i.e. a close friend who is infatuated with the place and use to travel there once a year. And no, despite how that seems, I do not know Vincent Vega. I realize that Amsterdam is not the Netherlands per se but that is really what I think of when I think of the Netherregion. I'm married so the whores no longer apply to me but I still dig the idea that they let everyone else cut to the chase and skip right to beating around the bush, if you will. I mean, if a woman or man wants to accept cash for doing the nasty, as long as all the nastiness is consensual and amongst adults, and no gerbils are harmed, who cares? Paging Richard Gere. White courtsey phone. Richard Gere white courtesy phone. Welcome to the blog.
The dope never did anything fer me either. I just like the idea of people being able to do it if they want to. I'm not going to rule out the possiblilty of doing as the natives do if I were there, but that would be a game time decision. I guess these fewls were sitting around one day with their feet all hurting from wearing the wooden shoes and they smoked some herb, their feet felt better and they thought, this should be left alone and everyone should be allowed to do it. That's how you get to tolerance people! Clogs! Maybe, if we outfitted the City Commission with clogs, we could have package liquor sales on Sunday and we wouldn't have to stock up like you're going on a camping trip with AA members in Yomesite for week every freaking Saturday.
If clogs, which are wooden and uncomfortable, got the Dutch to tolerance, according to my obviously true and now logically proven and indisputable theory set forth above, are Crocs, which are comfortable, made of rubber and gay looking, causing all the evil in America as we know today? I have three pairs. I should be stopped. And I thought I was so open minded and tolerant.
Well, congratulations to Ms. Ted Storm on her award winning quilt. How weird does that look?
.... I'm just sayin'....
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