American Eagle School of Law and Tire Center may be having a close out sale!

THIS IS ALL BASED ON HYPOTHETICAL INFORMATION THAT WAS ALLEGED TO ME BY PERSONS WHO ALLEGEDLY ARE NOT REAL AND/OR DO NOT EXIST. ALLEGEDLY.

So, I go out of town for a few days and Tommy O decides to get all up in the grill of the Board of Directors of the American Eagle School of Law & Tire Center. Wow. Unlike a geezer round the table at the Giving of Thanks dinner, I've been hearin' bad thangs about the AESLTC for quite some time. Let's just say that, if my sources were any more inside, they'd be Tommy O (Which they aren't allegedly by the way.) If my sources were anymore inside, they'd be the gossip equivalent of innards. If my sources were anymore inside......you get the point.

Allegedly AESLTC does some shady shit like keep students student loan money for a while after it receives it. Allegedly this would either be evidence of them paying the bills with the students dough, paying investors with the students dough or making money off interest bearing accounts with the students dough. Eitherway, you allegedly should not be holdin' on to loan dough from students for any longer than it takes the check to clear or the transfer of funds to be o.k.'d because - as I recall from my days of living loan to loan - they need those ducketts to survive.

Allegedly the AESLTC has had a history of not paying its professors. I am allegedly aware of possibly two instances where it is alleged that grades were withheld from the institution by the non-paid prof until some consideration for there alreadly performed obligation came there way.

Allegedly a professor at the AESLTC has an alleged spouse with alleged legal problems. As in she is allegedly going to jail for a period of time that you nor I would want to do, allegedly. Well, in all the wondermint that is this alleged professor, he and his wife allegedly can't afford an attorney to defend her and she be sucklin' from the state's public defender teet. What would you think was worse, a professor who has a wife that is breaking the law while he attempts to teach it or having a professor at your private law school who couldn't afford to hire a private attorney to represent his wife?

You attempt to bring an alleged law school into a town and you begin by placing it out in the middle of no where. You place it in a park built in the information age that is so hip to the information of the age that it doesn't even get cellphone reception. It should be called the Analog Age Park. Or the Dial Up Information Only Park. You could tie two soup cans together with a string and getter better reception than you currently do while basking in the age of information in that park.

Second, after you realize you don't have enough space for a library because you had to wire the whole building with yarn and put can holders up everywhere, you attempt to solve your dilemma by buying Wagner Candy Company's old building that is several miles away. WTF? I don't think it says a lot for an institution of higher learning that didn't forsee it would need adequate space for a library before choosing its location - especially considering that law schools libraries have to meat certain standards and it is going to be reviewed by anyone inspecting the joint for potential accrediation. Can you imagine, "Now ABA types, that concludes your tour of the law school. If you all follow me, will go to gas station and fill up our cars because we've got a long drive ahead of us to get to the library and we won't be able to talk on our cell phones. When you see the building that makes you want a Tootsie Roll, pull in. That's the library."

San Antonio is purty kewl. That's where I just returned from. Those fewls down there are all about swillin' it out. You can imbibe your Stetson off while walking down the famed River Walk. There's a joint floggin' swill ever few river steps. The San Antonio River is also only about 4 foot deep so there's no fear of drowning no matter how drunk you are when you fall in.

The Alamo is sort of neat. It's like a brick wall with a big ass adobe building behind it. A lot of KY'ians and TN'ians fought and/or croaked at the Alamo. Saw a replica of KY'ian Jim Bowie's knife. That freaking thing made Crocodile Dundee's knife look like it needed a Cialis. It was closer to a sword on a knife handle than an actual knife. He could have deflected bullets with that thing. It was amazing. I wanted to see a full body picture of him because I couldn't fathom where or how he carried that blade on Levitra but I had no luck. I bet whichever arm he used to wield that thing was like 3 times the size of his other arm. And no, I didn't Ozzy Osborne out - I used the facilities designated for urination while at the Alamo.

Saw a Heat-Spurs game. Shaq is bigger that I wooda thunk. You get that "little Japanese citizen looking at Godzillra" vibe when you see him in person. Manu Ginobli and Tony Parker are very impressive in person. Faster than Cheetah's on amphetamines and they can make more plays than Neil Simon. What a weird sentence.

Started listening to Eric Clapton's autobiography. Guy is about as honest as a kick to the gonards. Admits all of his screws up. Very endearing. Had an aunt with Tourette's Syndrome. She put the words "fuck" and "Eddie" in all her sentences. The example given was, "Is your mum around, fuck Eddie?" He thought she was great. Things I nude about him prior to starting the book: His grandparents raised him and he was told his mother was his sister. He started and left a band about every two weeks. He and Jimi Hendrix were friends. He had the hots for George Harrison's wife, wrote songs about her and he and George remained friends even after Clapton began an affair with her and eventually married Clapton. They called each other "husband-in-laws". Things I now knowed about him: His mum came back with a half bro and half sister of his, stayed for like 6 months and bolted. His grandmaw Rose thought he was great and loved him. He broke up every freaking band he ever started. He knew The Stones before they became famous. Jimi Hendrix and Clapton use to go into bars in NYC and just get up on stage and play. Cream let Hendrix up on stage with them the first night they met him without ever seeing him play and were floored by him. Clapton was waiting to give Hendrix a white left-handed guitar (Hendrix played a right handed guitar upside down) but didn't get the chance because he didn't show at another group's concert and died that night. There's a lot more but I'm going to sleep.

I'm just sayin.....