Stealin' never smelled so good!

This is an actual quote from the 11/20/07 edition of the Paducah Sun. The article from which this nugget of the true came from was about a recent case of insurance fraud in the general tri-global (Illinois-Tennessee-Kentucky) area. I swear this is the actual quote:

"Turnbow said several people admitted failing fraudulent theft claims after the dog he handles sniffed and determined nothing was stolen." back pg. of the 11/20/07 Paducah Sun.

Turnbow is McCracken County Chief Deputy Sheriff Mike Turnbow. The dog is, well, just amazing.

I can get past the typo because I flail to see how that is important. However, the substance of the quote should have led to this headline:

"CHIEF DEPUTY SAYS DOG CAN SMELL BULLSHIT" or "THE PHERMONES OF FRAUD" or "FRAUD SMELLS LIKE A DOG'S ASS" or "HUMP MY LEG AND SHOW ME A RECIEPT OR YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL!"

Does it scare anyone else that there is allegedly a dog in this county that can smell theft? I mean, if this dog can smell theft, why hasn't it been sitting outside the Four River's Extortion Center howling at the moon? Why has its owner not been cited on numerous occasions for its repeated biting of the City Manager or The Mayor?

If the dog can smell insurance fraud, can it smell a good deal when it sniffs it? For instance, if you take it Wally World and let it sniff that rotissierie/pannini grill combo with the added fat draining ditch tube, will it pee on Tickle Me Elmo telling you that it is over-priced? If it smells a purchase and licks it balls, does that mean you got a good deal? If it sniffs your purchase and runs circles around the couch does that mean you should return it before the store closes? The possibilities are endless. Take that hound on the Price is Right and you and Drew Carey will become best friends. That little yoddling dude that always falls off the mountain would be able to cancel his health insurance if the Bluelight Special Hound was a regular contestant.

I mean fucking Lassie didn't even portend to be a canine version of Consumer Reports. This is absolutely the nuttiest shit I have ever heard of. A dog that can "smell" crime.

If you stole a purse and rolled it in catnip, would the dog think you stole satchel of kat refer and report you to the police? I have no idea what that mint.

Eitherwho, I'm sure I won't be able to stay away after the paper - I mean City Commission - rules on what to do to our Chief O' Poleese.

I'm just sayin........